11 May 1992
The fast is going well. We will end it in about two hours. I spent all day yesterday praying and studying the scriptures. I even went back and read through the Celestial Marriage book for Courtship and Marriage.
So now you're dying tio know what the answer is. I haven't experienced a burning in my bosom but I DEFINITELY haven't had a stupor of thought either. In fact, the more I think about marrying Hubba, the calmer and happier I feel. It's not an obvious feeling. Just a general feeling of well-being and contentedness. I've said before that whether the answer was yes or no, I'd be scared. I'm not. I'm a little excited, but not scared.
Last night, Hubba came over. He had been talking to his parents. His mom can tell that I'm "falling in love" with him. He told her that he likes me a lot, too, and that I'm the most compatible person he's found so far. His mom likes me! Cool. If he asks me to marry him, I will say YES!
12 May 1992
Well, we ended our fast together by going to Long John Silver's. We talked about how we felt and what answers we had received. Sunday night, Hubba was pretty sure he was getting a yes answer but by yesterday morning he felt like he had reached a dead end. So we're not getting married.
At first I felt stupid because how could I get a yes answer while he got a no answer? It probably meant that I was wrong. But then as a few hours passed I was hurt and disappointed. I felt like he didn't love me anymore. He didn't understand and I started to cry. He told me I was the most beautiful most wonderful girl in the world. But that only hurt more because if we don't get married, he'll be saying that to someone else.
(My recollection of this now was that Hubba started out the fast feeling like we shouldn't and ended with the feeling like it was good. And I started out feeling like it was right, but ended up feeling like we shouldn't. I wonder if that memory is from another fast...)
Today we are studying for our finals tomorrow so who knows if I'll even see him today. I really need to be with him today, too. I feel extremely lonely.
Hubba and I went to go check my biology grade yesterday. I got a B in lab. I missed a B on the final by two points. That really hurts because I thought I had done really well. Hubba convinced me to retake the class for a better grade sometime before I graudate. So my whole grade for the course was a C. It's my first C in college. That is going to bring my gpa way down.
18 July 2009
17 July 2009
Dusting off the old, cracked wedding bells
So I was at this wedding recently. And it was all sweet seeing the bride and groom and sitting there holding hands with my husband and remembering and reminiscing. But there was also a melancholy for me, too.
I just felt like here was this one, huge day where I got to dress up in the fanciest dress I will ever wear in my life. Ever. And everyone we knew who loved us, or even liked us, or even just KNEW us, came to help us celebrate at a really great party. And they gave us presents. And I was the star of the day. And we were just standing on the cusp of something really wonderful and great. The path was wide open before us--full of the thrill of the unknown.
And now here we are. I never have the chance to even dress up at all, let alone in the fanciest dress of my life, which I could never even fit one thigh into now, by the way. I'm just doing great if I remember to brush my hair and my teeth in the same day. And we don't keep in touch with most of the people who knew us then, and only a few of the people of who liked us and loved us. And we never have a clean enough house to have people come over for any sort of party and we don't really have very many friends--certainly we aren't getting invited to any kind of parties. And nobody gives us presents just for being us and having a life together. And we're no longer on the cusp of something great. We're just in the thick of things. It's usually an uphill climb and it's almost always something we're doing alone, just the two of us, with no one really cheering us on or rooting for us.
And frankly, I kind of miss the way it was on our wedding day. Is it vain to want to have just one more big day like that in my life? A day where I get to dress up to the nines and everybody can make a big deal over me and tell us how great we are? And there can be fun, yummy food I don't have to make and a pretty cake and music and dancing and presents. And a professional photographer to document me looking so good?
I just felt like here was this one, huge day where I got to dress up in the fanciest dress I will ever wear in my life. Ever. And everyone we knew who loved us, or even liked us, or even just KNEW us, came to help us celebrate at a really great party. And they gave us presents. And I was the star of the day. And we were just standing on the cusp of something really wonderful and great. The path was wide open before us--full of the thrill of the unknown.
And now here we are. I never have the chance to even dress up at all, let alone in the fanciest dress of my life, which I could never even fit one thigh into now, by the way. I'm just doing great if I remember to brush my hair and my teeth in the same day. And we don't keep in touch with most of the people who knew us then, and only a few of the people of who liked us and loved us. And we never have a clean enough house to have people come over for any sort of party and we don't really have very many friends--certainly we aren't getting invited to any kind of parties. And nobody gives us presents just for being us and having a life together. And we're no longer on the cusp of something great. We're just in the thick of things. It's usually an uphill climb and it's almost always something we're doing alone, just the two of us, with no one really cheering us on or rooting for us.
And frankly, I kind of miss the way it was on our wedding day. Is it vain to want to have just one more big day like that in my life? A day where I get to dress up to the nines and everybody can make a big deal over me and tell us how great we are? And there can be fun, yummy food I don't have to make and a pretty cake and music and dancing and presents. And a professional photographer to document me looking so good?
Then I Met You, chapitre vingt-neuf
10 May 1992
The Seminary Social last night was SO exhausting. Not just tiring. First of all, on Thursday, Hubba and I started to work on the banner and think of games. We hit heads so many times. We both had our feelings hurt and it seemed that we couldn't agree on anything. So we finally just gave up for the day. So then we had to finish everything Saturday only a few short hours before the social started. We ended up finishing the banner a couple minutes before the opening prayer. I was stressed but Hubba was calm. They separated the kids into tribes and I got really scared. Hubba just took over and I was so grateful for him! I didn't think our ice-breaking games were working. The kids didn't seem to be enjoying themselves or getting to know anyone. The best game was Celestial Pursuit. I thought they'd never yell our "Tribe Yell". But all the rewards came later in the evening when I saw girls form our tribe sitting and talking together. Or like at the dance when I would hear our tribe members talking to their friends about how we played Hoover. Two people eschanged phone numbers and all our whole tribe clapped and yelled really hard when they were asked if they had a good time. Hubba and I were dead by the time we were done.
Friday night was my first final. Biology. I studied for about 3 or 4 hours but most people had studied all day and some had even studied all week. We were quizzing each other at the Tute and I realized I didn't know anything compared to anyone else. I got so discouraged I started to cry. At first Hubba got upset with me and told me I was just giving up. I got kind of mad. But then for some reason or other his attitude changed and he began to tell me that I would do fine and that I learned more than I thought I did. right before I went in to take the exam he pulled me aside (I was crying again) and said a prayer for me. That's the personality that I love.
Speaking of love, today is the day that Hubba and I are fasting to know if the Lord will allow us to be eternal companions. Heavy, huh? We're starting the fast after lunch. I'm scared that the answer will be no and I'm scared that the answer will be yes. I'm also scared that we won't get an answer during our fast and that we would continue like we are now for a long time. But either way, I know I'll feel the peace of the lord and everything will work out for my eternal benefit. That's what I keep telling myself.
The Seminary Social last night was SO exhausting. Not just tiring. First of all, on Thursday, Hubba and I started to work on the banner and think of games. We hit heads so many times. We both had our feelings hurt and it seemed that we couldn't agree on anything. So we finally just gave up for the day. So then we had to finish everything Saturday only a few short hours before the social started. We ended up finishing the banner a couple minutes before the opening prayer. I was stressed but Hubba was calm. They separated the kids into tribes and I got really scared. Hubba just took over and I was so grateful for him! I didn't think our ice-breaking games were working. The kids didn't seem to be enjoying themselves or getting to know anyone. The best game was Celestial Pursuit. I thought they'd never yell our "Tribe Yell". But all the rewards came later in the evening when I saw girls form our tribe sitting and talking together. Or like at the dance when I would hear our tribe members talking to their friends about how we played Hoover. Two people eschanged phone numbers and all our whole tribe clapped and yelled really hard when they were asked if they had a good time. Hubba and I were dead by the time we were done.
Friday night was my first final. Biology. I studied for about 3 or 4 hours but most people had studied all day and some had even studied all week. We were quizzing each other at the Tute and I realized I didn't know anything compared to anyone else. I got so discouraged I started to cry. At first Hubba got upset with me and told me I was just giving up. I got kind of mad. But then for some reason or other his attitude changed and he began to tell me that I would do fine and that I learned more than I thought I did. right before I went in to take the exam he pulled me aside (I was crying again) and said a prayer for me. That's the personality that I love.
Speaking of love, today is the day that Hubba and I are fasting to know if the Lord will allow us to be eternal companions. Heavy, huh? We're starting the fast after lunch. I'm scared that the answer will be no and I'm scared that the answer will be yes. I'm also scared that we won't get an answer during our fast and that we would continue like we are now for a long time. But either way, I know I'll feel the peace of the lord and everything will work out for my eternal benefit. That's what I keep telling myself.
16 July 2009
Overheard
From behind a closed bathroom door...
Mack: [singing] Brown people. White people. Sticking together with the taaaaape oooooof looooove. [long pause] The sticky stuff!
Mack: [singing] Brown people. White people. Sticking together with the taaaaape oooooof looooove. [long pause] The sticky stuff!
Overheard
K: Hey, mom. I feel pretty small right now.
Me: Oh yeah? How come?
K: It's just when I look down, I'm really close to the ground.
Me: Oh yeah? How come?
K: It's just when I look down, I'm really close to the ground.
Wink speaks
1. When she wants to eat something that you have, she puts her face right up near your food and says "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm" repeatedly until you give her some.
2. When you are trying to feed her something that she doesn't want to eat, she will either A) allow you to put it in her mouth and then take it out with her hand and smear it on the first available surface or B) turn her head away or C) say "uh-uh" repeatedly while shaking her head and waving her hand in front of her face.
3. Her first word a long time ago was "outside". She doesn't say that word anymore. "Mom" or "Mama" means hold me. When she says "Mommy" she's actually referring to me. The first sibling name she has said is "X" and the first sentence she has strung together was "Where's X?" Now she also says "JJ" and "Where's JJ?"
4. She also says "cu" and "Where's cu?" Where "cu" means "cup".
5. She will say "uh-huh" (yes) or "uh-uh" (no) in answer to any yes/no question you ask her. She doesn't really know what they mean, though. But you can use her answer to guage her mood. We usually hear "uh-huh" all the time because we are such awesome parents with such a great family. She's usually happy with us.
6. Because of #5, I had an interesting incident a few days ago where someone who was taking care of her for a bit told me she was so communicative and had such a good vocabulary. I knew the woman was mistaken because Wink doesn't really talk much yet, hasn't hit that vocabulary explosion. But she insisted. She told me all of the things that Wink said to her and I just couldn't believe it. At the end of her telling me all the awesome things Winkleberry could communicate she mentioned something about she would ask her questions and then Wink would agree. And I suddenly just knew that all Wink had done during that time was nod her head and say, "uh-huh" because she was happy. And somehow this woman had interpreted that to mean that Wink really knew what was goin on and had actually initiated some conversation herself. In reality, the lady probably asked her something like, "Are you unhappy because it's so hot in here?" And she'd just say uh-huh and then later, the lady remembered that Wink had told her she was uncomfortably hot. Kind of funny.
2. When you are trying to feed her something that she doesn't want to eat, she will either A) allow you to put it in her mouth and then take it out with her hand and smear it on the first available surface or B) turn her head away or C) say "uh-uh" repeatedly while shaking her head and waving her hand in front of her face.
3. Her first word a long time ago was "outside". She doesn't say that word anymore. "Mom" or "Mama" means hold me. When she says "Mommy" she's actually referring to me. The first sibling name she has said is "X" and the first sentence she has strung together was "Where's X?" Now she also says "JJ" and "Where's JJ?"
4. She also says "cu" and "Where's cu?" Where "cu" means "cup".
5. She will say "uh-huh" (yes) or "uh-uh" (no) in answer to any yes/no question you ask her. She doesn't really know what they mean, though. But you can use her answer to guage her mood. We usually hear "uh-huh" all the time because we are such awesome parents with such a great family. She's usually happy with us.
6. Because of #5, I had an interesting incident a few days ago where someone who was taking care of her for a bit told me she was so communicative and had such a good vocabulary. I knew the woman was mistaken because Wink doesn't really talk much yet, hasn't hit that vocabulary explosion. But she insisted. She told me all of the things that Wink said to her and I just couldn't believe it. At the end of her telling me all the awesome things Winkleberry could communicate she mentioned something about she would ask her questions and then Wink would agree. And I suddenly just knew that all Wink had done during that time was nod her head and say, "uh-huh" because she was happy. And somehow this woman had interpreted that to mean that Wink really knew what was goin on and had actually initiated some conversation herself. In reality, the lady probably asked her something like, "Are you unhappy because it's so hot in here?" And she'd just say uh-huh and then later, the lady remembered that Wink had told her she was uncomfortably hot. Kind of funny.
Poor Timing
This morning I had had it. Winkleberry had woken up several times during the night. I am tired of being mauled with her grabby hands in order for her to sleep. She is 15 months old. I decided I was ready for her to start sleeping in her own bed. After all, we bought that super cute IKEA bunk bed and it was time someone started using it!
But probably when there is a giant hole in the ceiling of said bedroom and the insurance agent is about to come out to take a look at it and then there will be hopefully be a swarm of men coming to fix it with wood and nails and drywall and paint--Well that probably just isn't hte best time to try to get the baby to sleep in her own bed.
But probably when there is a giant hole in the ceiling of said bedroom and the insurance agent is about to come out to take a look at it and then there will be hopefully be a swarm of men coming to fix it with wood and nails and drywall and paint--Well that probably just isn't hte best time to try to get the baby to sleep in her own bed.
His Story, chapitre quinze
I remember well the seminary Tribe of Benjamin thing. It was neat to work together and to work with the high school kids. I think this is when I really became aware that Real had a shy side. She was very reserved with the kids for the first couple hours and didn't seem to enjoy the get-to-know-you games we were trying to organize. But along about the time the shyest kids were softening up, she softened up herself. By the end, we had a wonderful experience and the kids really bonded with each other. We had a good tribe.
Mostly what I remember about this period was the talk of me going back to Boston for a summer job and how we were going to be using it as a test of our relationship. There was someone there that I had liked quite a bit in high school and had written to a bit while on my mission. I can't say we ever had any real relationship, but I had never really gotten over her--I had liked her from the moment I first saw her. So going to Boston without any clear obligations between me and Real was really going to be a test of sorts and help perhaps give us a little space to see if the relationship sapling would flourish or shrivel.
I don't remember much about the first time Real came over to my parents' for dinner. I do remember being a little apprehensive. I knew the menu would be a shocker. And I had never brought a date home. Turns out the menu concerns were somewhat justified. Real didn't ever appear very comfortable, but she got into the groove of things when she showed everyone how she could put her whole fist into her mouth. I was not impressed, but I seemed to be in the minority. She was a bit skittish about vegetables and unique foods, and my family couldn't have been a worse match. Lots of vegetables and lots of culinary experimentation. To this day, Real gets grief about how she doesn't like vegetables--despite the fact that she eats them quite heartily and serves them at every meal except breakfast. But it is revealing of the culture clash that occured around the dinner table.
At this stage in our relationship, things were pretty solid. I think the marriage discussion, though, was a constant moment of truth. If we hadn't been talking marriage, maybe things would have fallen apart. And yet the constant issue of marriage kind of made casual dating impossible. A constant decision had to be made. Either we were heading toward marriage or apart, but stasis was impossible.
But I was clearly feeling quite a bit for Real at this stage. Discussing marriage one afternoon, the first time I could really bring myself to do so, I really planted the seed for the first time. We discussed how many children we envisioned having, what they would look like, potential names, etc, and somewhere in there it became a real possibility in my mind. It was a sudden switch from non-issue to plausible outcome. To me, it was a significant point in our relationship.
I don't really have many specific memories associated with this period. I remember the things Real mentions, but don't have much to add to them. Although when we were picked couple third most likely to succeed, I laughed at it more than I cringed. So maybe that reveals that I was growing up a bit.
Mostly what I remember about this period was the talk of me going back to Boston for a summer job and how we were going to be using it as a test of our relationship. There was someone there that I had liked quite a bit in high school and had written to a bit while on my mission. I can't say we ever had any real relationship, but I had never really gotten over her--I had liked her from the moment I first saw her. So going to Boston without any clear obligations between me and Real was really going to be a test of sorts and help perhaps give us a little space to see if the relationship sapling would flourish or shrivel.
I don't remember much about the first time Real came over to my parents' for dinner. I do remember being a little apprehensive. I knew the menu would be a shocker. And I had never brought a date home. Turns out the menu concerns were somewhat justified. Real didn't ever appear very comfortable, but she got into the groove of things when she showed everyone how she could put her whole fist into her mouth. I was not impressed, but I seemed to be in the minority. She was a bit skittish about vegetables and unique foods, and my family couldn't have been a worse match. Lots of vegetables and lots of culinary experimentation. To this day, Real gets grief about how she doesn't like vegetables--despite the fact that she eats them quite heartily and serves them at every meal except breakfast. But it is revealing of the culture clash that occured around the dinner table.
At this stage in our relationship, things were pretty solid. I think the marriage discussion, though, was a constant moment of truth. If we hadn't been talking marriage, maybe things would have fallen apart. And yet the constant issue of marriage kind of made casual dating impossible. A constant decision had to be made. Either we were heading toward marriage or apart, but stasis was impossible.
But I was clearly feeling quite a bit for Real at this stage. Discussing marriage one afternoon, the first time I could really bring myself to do so, I really planted the seed for the first time. We discussed how many children we envisioned having, what they would look like, potential names, etc, and somewhere in there it became a real possibility in my mind. It was a sudden switch from non-issue to plausible outcome. To me, it was a significant point in our relationship.
I don't really have many specific memories associated with this period. I remember the things Real mentions, but don't have much to add to them. Although when we were picked couple third most likely to succeed, I laughed at it more than I cringed. So maybe that reveals that I was growing up a bit.
15 July 2009
A birth story
Don't think for one second that just because I'm not in the birth biz anymore that it doesn't matter to me still. This little blog post is making it's rounds among my birthy facebook friends and so I finally read it. I liked it. The author has attitude. It's the story of how she went from an "Epidural on the rocks" two days before labor kind of mama to a natural, homebirthin' kind of mama. Interesting stuff*.
*Reader beware. There is an offensive word in her post.
*Reader beware. There is an offensive word in her post.
Then I Met You, chapitre vingt-huit
3 May 1992
A lot has happened. One day after Coutrship and Marriage Hubba and I had a little talk. Hubba didn't want to talk about marriage because he didn't want to be disappointed if it never came to pass. I did want to talk about it so I could use our discussion as a factor in deciding whether or not it was right. Hubba areed with me and we've been talking about it a lot since then. We've gotten along so much better now that it's out in the open.
We decided that the best date was the 4th of September. It's Labor Day Weekend. We want to do it during the summer but he'll still be at work in Boston. He hasn't proposed to me yet though. He doesn't hav ea confirmation yet. We were supposed to fast about it today but Hubba has been sick and so he can't fast. So I just fasted that he will get well.
He's been sick for a long time. I finally got him to go to a doctor. The doctor said it was just a virus. But his sore throat still hasn't gone away. All his glands are swollen, too. You can tell just by looking at him. His neck looks at LEAST an inch thicker than it is normally. We think it might be mono. For Easter he took me to his parents house for Easter dinner. This time, things with his fmily went much better. I got to talk to his mom, Little Mama and Tro separately so it was easier. I had fun and apparently Little Mama likes me.
Julie and Roger got engaged. So did Kathryn and David . Lucinda's wedding is in eleven days. How scary. Chorale Steak Fry was yesterday. It's just a big party with barbecued steaks and a pool. For one of the games, Hubba and I were voted 3rd for Couple Most likely to Succeed. All 4 other couples are engaged.
5 May 1992
The chorale Thank You Concert is tonight. It will be my last Chorale performance ever because this was my last semester in chorale. I've pretty much had it with chorale and I just don't have the time anymore. But this Saturday Bro. Salmond is sponsoring a Seminary Closing Social here in Tucson. There will be 620 Seminary Kids. He divided the kids into twelve groups of 52. Each group is one of the twelve tribes of Israel ad is headed by some college students that Bro. Salmond recruited. Hubba and I are chaperones for the tribe Benjamin. We have a color (white) and a theme (the Savage Dividers--because they killed anyone who wasn't for Moses.) We have to think of a whole bunch of games that will serve as ice breakers and help them get to know one another. It should be fun.
Hubba's throat is feeling a little better. I'm glad for that. We need to fast. Hubba's brother and sister-in-law are moving out of the house they live in at the end of summer. Hubba's parents will sell it unless they know we're going to be married at the end of summer. I guess Hubba said we'll have to tell them by the end of this week. That way, we will move into the house. Actually, I will. Hubba already lives there. : )
A lot has happened. One day after Coutrship and Marriage Hubba and I had a little talk. Hubba didn't want to talk about marriage because he didn't want to be disappointed if it never came to pass. I did want to talk about it so I could use our discussion as a factor in deciding whether or not it was right. Hubba areed with me and we've been talking about it a lot since then. We've gotten along so much better now that it's out in the open.
We decided that the best date was the 4th of September. It's Labor Day Weekend. We want to do it during the summer but he'll still be at work in Boston. He hasn't proposed to me yet though. He doesn't hav ea confirmation yet. We were supposed to fast about it today but Hubba has been sick and so he can't fast. So I just fasted that he will get well.
He's been sick for a long time. I finally got him to go to a doctor. The doctor said it was just a virus. But his sore throat still hasn't gone away. All his glands are swollen, too. You can tell just by looking at him. His neck looks at LEAST an inch thicker than it is normally. We think it might be mono. For Easter he took me to his parents house for Easter dinner. This time, things with his fmily went much better. I got to talk to his mom, Little Mama and Tro separately so it was easier. I had fun and apparently Little Mama likes me.
Julie and Roger got engaged. So did Kathryn and David . Lucinda's wedding is in eleven days. How scary. Chorale Steak Fry was yesterday. It's just a big party with barbecued steaks and a pool. For one of the games, Hubba and I were voted 3rd for Couple Most likely to Succeed. All 4 other couples are engaged.
5 May 1992
The chorale Thank You Concert is tonight. It will be my last Chorale performance ever because this was my last semester in chorale. I've pretty much had it with chorale and I just don't have the time anymore. But this Saturday Bro. Salmond is sponsoring a Seminary Closing Social here in Tucson. There will be 620 Seminary Kids. He divided the kids into twelve groups of 52. Each group is one of the twelve tribes of Israel ad is headed by some college students that Bro. Salmond recruited. Hubba and I are chaperones for the tribe Benjamin. We have a color (white) and a theme (the Savage Dividers--because they killed anyone who wasn't for Moses.) We have to think of a whole bunch of games that will serve as ice breakers and help them get to know one another. It should be fun.
Hubba's throat is feeling a little better. I'm glad for that. We need to fast. Hubba's brother and sister-in-law are moving out of the house they live in at the end of summer. Hubba's parents will sell it unless they know we're going to be married at the end of summer. I guess Hubba said we'll have to tell them by the end of this week. That way, we will move into the house. Actually, I will. Hubba already lives there. : )
Baboo's Talents
Last night, we had an accomplished pianist/piano teacher over at our house, chatting in our livingroom. Just because that's often what she does, Baboo sat down at the piano and started playing. The pianist commented to me that she was really good. And then of course I had to brag that she had taught herself. The pianist asked, "She's never taken lessons?!?!" And I responded that she had had about 4-6 months of lessons 11 years ago. She reiterated, "She's really talented!"
So I told Baboo to pick a different piece and play that. It was "Dawn" from Pride and Prejudice. The pianist told me that her students really struggle with that difficult piece because of the fingering on the runs. And there was Baboo playing it beautifully. I felt very proud of her.
And I wished that we could do piano lessons for her so that she could really be pushed and instructed. Who knows what she could do there?
Another of Baboo's talents is photography. And she is mostly self-taught there also. It's amazing the great pictures she can take with our crappy camera. But it turns out that she has a couple of sponsors who love her. One sweet family is donating an older SLR camera that they no longer use, but leaving it up to her to provide the lens. Fortunately for us, another great friend has an old lens she no longer uses and is willing to donate it to the cause, too! (We're still checking to see if the camera and lens are compatible.)
So maybe something like this can work out for piano lessons...
So I told Baboo to pick a different piece and play that. It was "Dawn" from Pride and Prejudice. The pianist told me that her students really struggle with that difficult piece because of the fingering on the runs. And there was Baboo playing it beautifully. I felt very proud of her.
And I wished that we could do piano lessons for her so that she could really be pushed and instructed. Who knows what she could do there?
Another of Baboo's talents is photography. And she is mostly self-taught there also. It's amazing the great pictures she can take with our crappy camera. But it turns out that she has a couple of sponsors who love her. One sweet family is donating an older SLR camera that they no longer use, but leaving it up to her to provide the lens. Fortunately for us, another great friend has an old lens she no longer uses and is willing to donate it to the cause, too! (We're still checking to see if the camera and lens are compatible.)
So maybe something like this can work out for piano lessons...
14 July 2009
Work
I love the slope of my husband's shoulders. And his thighs, too. Not for merely the physical reasons but because those parts of his body remind me of Atlas. The Hubba carries the burden of my entire world on those shoulders and thighs. It's hard work to feed and clothe and house 8 children and a wife. Not to mention all of the emotional claims we (but mostly ME) place on him after a hard day of work. But he never complains about the weight of it all.
Yesterday he had a big and busy day at work that he wasn't really looking forward to. I thought about him all day and was just amazed that he can and does go into work every single day for a full day. And now he's got his own business but before that, he used to go in to work every single day and have to deal with a boss and do what they said.
Ugh.
I can't even imagine that. When I was 14 I worked as an assistant to a steamstress who worked out of her home. I got paid good enough money and I think I only worked 2 or 3 days a week. But I quit in less than 2 months.
When I was 16, I worked as a bagger at an upscale, European grocery store. I might have toughed it out there for another two months. I quit because I hated working, didn't care enough about the money and it was interfering with the school activities I wanted to do.
I briefly tried babysiting as a teen, but hated it. Whenever someone would ask if I babysat, I just said no.
In college, I worked as a French tutor (kind of a joke), at the front desk of a couple of dorms (my favorite job because it was just a couple hours here or there, and I could read, study, talk, whatever while I answered phones and took messages for residents--piece of cake). I worked part-time for an entire summer doing telemarketing for a carpet cleaning company. I was good, too. Leading salesperson. But I hated it.
Right before I got married, I worked part-time in the Math department and 3/4- fulltime as a janitor at the Institute. That was one crazy summer. I didn't even have time to eat. I worked myself to death. I liked working at the math department. I did not like being a janitor. It was a very lonely job.
Then after I got married, I worked for a brief couple of months as a French teacher at a private school for grades k-4 through 4th grade--on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
That is the extent of my work history. Only one time have I ever worked full time and that was only for one summer. And I have a husband who goes in to work day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year and in another couple years I'll be able to say decade after decade!
I don't know how he (or anyone) does it! I mean, I know being a stay at home mom is nothing to sneeze at. But it's amazing to me the stamina you have to have to go in to a job day in and day out. And I'm sure glad that the Hubba does that for us. What kind of life would I have if he didn't? I owe everything in my life to him.
Yesterday he had a big and busy day at work that he wasn't really looking forward to. I thought about him all day and was just amazed that he can and does go into work every single day for a full day. And now he's got his own business but before that, he used to go in to work every single day and have to deal with a boss and do what they said.
Ugh.
I can't even imagine that. When I was 14 I worked as an assistant to a steamstress who worked out of her home. I got paid good enough money and I think I only worked 2 or 3 days a week. But I quit in less than 2 months.
When I was 16, I worked as a bagger at an upscale, European grocery store. I might have toughed it out there for another two months. I quit because I hated working, didn't care enough about the money and it was interfering with the school activities I wanted to do.
I briefly tried babysiting as a teen, but hated it. Whenever someone would ask if I babysat, I just said no.
In college, I worked as a French tutor (kind of a joke), at the front desk of a couple of dorms (my favorite job because it was just a couple hours here or there, and I could read, study, talk, whatever while I answered phones and took messages for residents--piece of cake). I worked part-time for an entire summer doing telemarketing for a carpet cleaning company. I was good, too. Leading salesperson. But I hated it.
Right before I got married, I worked part-time in the Math department and 3/4- fulltime as a janitor at the Institute. That was one crazy summer. I didn't even have time to eat. I worked myself to death. I liked working at the math department. I did not like being a janitor. It was a very lonely job.
Then after I got married, I worked for a brief couple of months as a French teacher at a private school for grades k-4 through 4th grade--on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
That is the extent of my work history. Only one time have I ever worked full time and that was only for one summer. And I have a husband who goes in to work day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year and in another couple years I'll be able to say decade after decade!
I don't know how he (or anyone) does it! I mean, I know being a stay at home mom is nothing to sneeze at. But it's amazing to me the stamina you have to have to go in to a job day in and day out. And I'm sure glad that the Hubba does that for us. What kind of life would I have if he didn't? I owe everything in my life to him.
13 July 2009
Almost Bliss
A cool evening. So cool that our broken AC doesn't much matter.
The big girls made dinner.
Relaxing in a chair.
The rest of the kids are squealing and yelling and playing with each other outside.
The house is clean.
When will my husband come home?
The big girls made dinner.
Relaxing in a chair.
The rest of the kids are squealing and yelling and playing with each other outside.
The house is clean.
When will my husband come home?
12 July 2009
Demoralizing
I girded up my loins and freshened my attitude and my outlook. Then I rolled up my sleeves and took Pinkleberry to the dollar store and bought her a bunch of toys. She thought she was in heaven because she would ask, "Can I have this?" almost indiscriminately. And I would almost indiscrimately respond, "Put it in the cart."
At the end of our excursion, I told her that once we got home, she could have one toy every time she went poop in the potty. She didn't have a problem with that.
Then we came and waited. And waited. And waited. Three days later, she was finally able to go and she earned a little pink, princess wand that lights up and makes noise. Sweet. We were on our way.
Or so I thought. Because now she's pooped twice in 24 hours--NOT in the potty. So far we're only 1 for 3. Dangit.
So who do you think will last longer? Me or Pink?
At the end of our excursion, I told her that once we got home, she could have one toy every time she went poop in the potty. She didn't have a problem with that.
Then we came and waited. And waited. And waited. Three days later, she was finally able to go and she earned a little pink, princess wand that lights up and makes noise. Sweet. We were on our way.
Or so I thought. Because now she's pooped twice in 24 hours--NOT in the potty. So far we're only 1 for 3. Dangit.
So who do you think will last longer? Me or Pink?
11 July 2009
decluttering
We're trying to teach our kids that if you don't have room for it, you don't need it. Your space will be easier to keep clean and neat without it and you'll be happier. And in the case of laundry, you'll have even less of it to do.
So we are going through and limiting each kid to 14 shirts, 7 shorts, 5 pants, 2 church pants and church shirts/6 skirts and dresses. It's been hard. There have been some teary eyes at having to give up cherished clothes. But here's what I found out.
1. Despite the fact that X had about 20 pairs of pants in his closet, only 2 jeans fit him.
2. When the big boys had a hard time giving up their clothes, it was easier to put them in a pile for the little boys than to put them in to the pile of stuff to get rid of.
3. I counted the big boys' bag o' clothes for giving away and there is 111 items!! The pile of stuff to keep for the little boys is probably around 70-80.
4. Baboo does not want to pare down her 90 shirt collection to 14.
5. No wonder my kids can't keep up on laundry! I love getting hand me downs, but apparently even with 8 kids, I need to be more selective.
6. The little boys had an easier time parting with clothes than the big boys.
7. ALL the boys were very happy when it was all over and they had something controllable to deal with in their closets and drawers that shut.
8. We'll see how the girls feel when they are done...
9. Everybody was much more cheerful about it when I told them I'd try to sell a huge lot of their clothes on Craigslist and give them the proceeds.
So we are going through and limiting each kid to 14 shirts, 7 shorts, 5 pants, 2 church pants and church shirts/6 skirts and dresses. It's been hard. There have been some teary eyes at having to give up cherished clothes. But here's what I found out.
1. Despite the fact that X had about 20 pairs of pants in his closet, only 2 jeans fit him.
2. When the big boys had a hard time giving up their clothes, it was easier to put them in a pile for the little boys than to put them in to the pile of stuff to get rid of.
3. I counted the big boys' bag o' clothes for giving away and there is 111 items!! The pile of stuff to keep for the little boys is probably around 70-80.
4. Baboo does not want to pare down her 90 shirt collection to 14.
5. No wonder my kids can't keep up on laundry! I love getting hand me downs, but apparently even with 8 kids, I need to be more selective.
6. The little boys had an easier time parting with clothes than the big boys.
7. ALL the boys were very happy when it was all over and they had something controllable to deal with in their closets and drawers that shut.
8. We'll see how the girls feel when they are done...
9. Everybody was much more cheerful about it when I told them I'd try to sell a huge lot of their clothes on Craigslist and give them the proceeds.
10 July 2009
Overheard
Bedtime last night.
Me: Pinkleberry, where do you want to sleep tonight?
Pink: [whining and murmuring]
Me: Do you want to sleep with the little boys or the big boys?
Pink: [more mumbling]
Me: Do you want to sleep in Kelvinator's bed or with your X-X ?
Pink: [with big alligator tears in her eyes] I just want the girls to come home!
Me: Pinkleberry, where do you want to sleep tonight?
Pink: [whining and murmuring]
Me: Do you want to sleep with the little boys or the big boys?
Pink: [more mumbling]
Me: Do you want to sleep in Kelvinator's bed or with your X-X ?
Pink: [with big alligator tears in her eyes] I just want the girls to come home!
Stress can alter DNA
A friend of mine posted this link on facebook. It's about a study that was done to try to explain why cesarean born babies have a higher immunological risk of illness. The study finds that the white blood cells in cesarean born babies are different from vaginally born babies and asserts that that might be due to the fact that the natural process of labor is stress with a purpose and that it just gradually builds. But that during a cesarean section, it's all very sudden.
The researchers are based in Sweden and talk about how their c-section rate has increased from 5% in the 70s to a whopping 18% now. I just gotta say that an 18% cesarean rate makes the US 30-35% rate just look vicious!
And it reminded me of a documentary I saw on pbs several years ago about dna and genetics. The pertinent discussion was about a group of researchers studying the color of fox fur in Europe someplace in the 1940s. The study was going normally with the expected results. Meaning that if you take a fox with a certain color fur and mate it with a fox of a certain color fur, you have a whatever percent chance of having a baby fox with a certain kind of fur.
Then, during WWII there was lots of bombing in the area near the reserach facility. Suddenly, the fox babies were being born with fur coloring that the researchers had never even seen before. All the variables were the same as always, except for the bombing. The researchers concluded that high levels of stress and adrenalin actually changed the foxes DNA.
The researchers are based in Sweden and talk about how their c-section rate has increased from 5% in the 70s to a whopping 18% now. I just gotta say that an 18% cesarean rate makes the US 30-35% rate just look vicious!
And it reminded me of a documentary I saw on pbs several years ago about dna and genetics. The pertinent discussion was about a group of researchers studying the color of fox fur in Europe someplace in the 1940s. The study was going normally with the expected results. Meaning that if you take a fox with a certain color fur and mate it with a fox of a certain color fur, you have a whatever percent chance of having a baby fox with a certain kind of fur.
Then, during WWII there was lots of bombing in the area near the reserach facility. Suddenly, the fox babies were being born with fur coloring that the researchers had never even seen before. All the variables were the same as always, except for the bombing. The researchers concluded that high levels of stress and adrenalin actually changed the foxes DNA.
09 July 2009
I am so good!
I was talking to somebody just the other day (who was it?) about how we are so in need of hangers. I know I can buy some at the dollar store, but I don't want to pay $1 for 10 tubular hangers when just some old wire ones would do. So everyone is short-handed and especially now that I'm getting all caught up on laundry, there's just no way to hang it all! So I went through this afternoon and got rid of the too small, too stained, too ugly clothes hoping to make a little room and free up some hangers. And I did. But it was a small dent.
This evening I was exchanging a shirt at Shopko and I saw this huge box that had "Box O' Hangers" written in big permanent black letters. I asked the customer service dude what they did with all those hangers when they were done. He said, "Oh we just throw them away." So I asked him if I could have some and he put a huge bunch of them into an equally huge garbage bag for me.
Free hangers. And if I ever need more, I know where to go.
Sweet.
This evening I was exchanging a shirt at Shopko and I saw this huge box that had "Box O' Hangers" written in big permanent black letters. I asked the customer service dude what they did with all those hangers when they were done. He said, "Oh we just throw them away." So I asked him if I could have some and he put a huge bunch of them into an equally huge garbage bag for me.
Free hangers. And if I ever need more, I know where to go.
Sweet.
By JJ
I was cleaning up some papers and came across a folder of school stuff I hadn't seen before. Here is a paper that JJ wrote:
I Am
I am: creative, loving, hyper, active, sporty, animal lover, book lover, a brother of seven kids, lover of sports teams from MA, food lover.
I like: sports, inventing, reading, playing, recess, collecting, vacations, camping, sleeping.
I believe in: no school, having more books, no T.V., sleeping in, longer P.E., recess in middle school, not killing animals, my self, my family, learning about what you want, less money for things you want to buy.
I do not care for: liars, cheaters, garbage, chores, homework, school, rude people, leaning, T.V., bossy sisters.
I am tired of hearing about: killing, school, homework, screaming siblings (sometimes), fighting, cleaning, not being able to eat what I want, having to loose my bottle collection, not being able to build forts inside.
I favor: less homework, less school, reading more, more fun activities at school, more vacation, parties, summer, the Wild, camping, holidays.
I Am
I am: creative, loving, hyper, active, sporty, animal lover, book lover, a brother of seven kids, lover of sports teams from MA, food lover.
I like: sports, inventing, reading, playing, recess, collecting, vacations, camping, sleeping.
I believe in: no school, having more books, no T.V., sleeping in, longer P.E., recess in middle school, not killing animals, my self, my family, learning about what you want, less money for things you want to buy.
I do not care for: liars, cheaters, garbage, chores, homework, school, rude people, leaning, T.V., bossy sisters.
I am tired of hearing about: killing, school, homework, screaming siblings (sometimes), fighting, cleaning, not being able to eat what I want, having to loose my bottle collection, not being able to build forts inside.
I favor: less homework, less school, reading more, more fun activities at school, more vacation, parties, summer, the Wild, camping, holidays.
Brothers Bond
So, the Hubba recently got back from his--what's the word for once a decade?--hike with his older and younger brother. I think they were in the slot canyons at Devil's Gate (?) in southern Utah. They packed their packs with all the good, lightweight camping gear. They caught and played with a snake. They slept out under the stars. They climbed rock faces and fought their way through the thickets and sloshed through chest deep (and sometimes higher) water. All done under the July sun. It was definitely not what I would consider fun.
The thing that cracks me up is what they ate on this manly adventure. They brought oysters and olives. And cheese. Lots of cheese. Not your regular cheddar either. Gouda, brie, camembert, ementaller...I can't even remember what all. And crackers. Not saltines, mind you. The good kind. Like Breton brand. Oh yeah. And perrier.
playing with the snake
The tire blow out
Night games
This picture was taken at night, too.
The thing that cracks me up is what they ate on this manly adventure. They brought oysters and olives. And cheese. Lots of cheese. Not your regular cheddar either. Gouda, brie, camembert, ementaller...I can't even remember what all. And crackers. Not saltines, mind you. The good kind. Like Breton brand. Oh yeah. And perrier.
playing with the snake
The tire blow out
Night games
This picture was taken at night, too.
Garden Update
Strawberries--The plants are doing pretty well, but the fruit keeps getting eaten by birds. We have to come up with something to keep the birds out. The few that I was able to eat were deliciously sweet and much more flavorful than storebought.
Cucumber--we just planted one plant and it disappeared like last year. Just gone. Not eaten up, not dead, not dry, just missing.
Bell Peppers--Same as the cucumber only several weeks later in the season. 4 plants completely gone with no sign that they ever existed. The last time I saw them, they were flowering. What could be causing the missing plants?
Zuchini--the plant is getting huge and beautiful with big, gorgeous yellow flowers. I should have planted it near the bell peppers because now that they are gone, the zuchini could have more room!
Onions and Garlic--I can't tell which is which anymore, they all look the same from above ground. But now that I see what these onions/garlic look like, I have hope to actually get edible onions. Not like the past two years where the leaves looked healthy but the onion was only about as big as my thumb. These plants are getting big.
Tomatoes--We planted five of them this year. Four plants are looking good, one is not looking very good. It was the most mature plant we planted but the stem partially broke sometime before we got it into the ground. It's still alive and green, but really not flourishing. The other four plants are getting bigger with nice big leaves, but so far there is only one tomato. It's pretty big. But I think that's a bad sign when you planted five plants.
(Butternut?) Squash-- It's definitely getting bigger and starting to flower but it's not looking nearly as good as the zuchini. It's about 1/4 the size. I don't even like squash.
Apples--they are growing big. But I'm pretty sure I bagged them much too late. I think 94% of the moth population had already mated and laid before I protected our apples. In fact, there was a moth still on one of the apples that day.
Raspberries--There were raspberries planted here when we moved in. But they are right in our garden area. Never really a true bush or anything. The single stalk we have right now has little gray raspberries growing on it. Maybe 20.
Blackberries--We planted this bush two or three years ago. The first year it did nothing but stay alive. The second year, it grew but was covered in morning glories and trying to save it, we broke off more than half the plant. This year, it is huge! As tall as I am and getting pretty thick. No flowers yet, though. When do blackberry bushes flower?
Cherries--I didn't grow these myself but I figured I'd let you know what I did with the ones we picked. So anyone who is uber-trepidatious about cherry worms should not come over to my house for cherry pie anytime soon. I pitted every single blasted cherry and inspected for worms. If I saw any, I threw out the cherry. But it's entirely possible that I could have missed something. I put the pitted cherries in the freezer and am hoping that time erases the memory of what a cherry worm looks like and helps me overcome the psychological barrier I have to eating cherries now. (Last time I froze peaches from someone's tree I ended up throwing out the peaches after three years sitting there untouched because I was so grossed out by the whole worm thing.)
Cucumber--we just planted one plant and it disappeared like last year. Just gone. Not eaten up, not dead, not dry, just missing.
Bell Peppers--Same as the cucumber only several weeks later in the season. 4 plants completely gone with no sign that they ever existed. The last time I saw them, they were flowering. What could be causing the missing plants?
Zuchini--the plant is getting huge and beautiful with big, gorgeous yellow flowers. I should have planted it near the bell peppers because now that they are gone, the zuchini could have more room!
Onions and Garlic--I can't tell which is which anymore, they all look the same from above ground. But now that I see what these onions/garlic look like, I have hope to actually get edible onions. Not like the past two years where the leaves looked healthy but the onion was only about as big as my thumb. These plants are getting big.
Tomatoes--We planted five of them this year. Four plants are looking good, one is not looking very good. It was the most mature plant we planted but the stem partially broke sometime before we got it into the ground. It's still alive and green, but really not flourishing. The other four plants are getting bigger with nice big leaves, but so far there is only one tomato. It's pretty big. But I think that's a bad sign when you planted five plants.
(Butternut?) Squash-- It's definitely getting bigger and starting to flower but it's not looking nearly as good as the zuchini. It's about 1/4 the size. I don't even like squash.
Apples--they are growing big. But I'm pretty sure I bagged them much too late. I think 94% of the moth population had already mated and laid before I protected our apples. In fact, there was a moth still on one of the apples that day.
Raspberries--There were raspberries planted here when we moved in. But they are right in our garden area. Never really a true bush or anything. The single stalk we have right now has little gray raspberries growing on it. Maybe 20.
Blackberries--We planted this bush two or three years ago. The first year it did nothing but stay alive. The second year, it grew but was covered in morning glories and trying to save it, we broke off more than half the plant. This year, it is huge! As tall as I am and getting pretty thick. No flowers yet, though. When do blackberry bushes flower?
Cherries--I didn't grow these myself but I figured I'd let you know what I did with the ones we picked. So anyone who is uber-trepidatious about cherry worms should not come over to my house for cherry pie anytime soon. I pitted every single blasted cherry and inspected for worms. If I saw any, I threw out the cherry. But it's entirely possible that I could have missed something. I put the pitted cherries in the freezer and am hoping that time erases the memory of what a cherry worm looks like and helps me overcome the psychological barrier I have to eating cherries now. (Last time I froze peaches from someone's tree I ended up throwing out the peaches after three years sitting there untouched because I was so grossed out by the whole worm thing.)
Sometimes I feel like everything is falling down around me
And yesterday it was my ceiling. I was lying down on our bed, nursing the baby, hoping to get her to sleep and maybe I could catch a nap, too. And suddenly I heard a huge thumping noise. My ears perked up as I listened to hear something else that would indicate what it was, but no one was crying or anything. I raced out into the hall and my boys were running to the hall, too. I asked them what happened. JJ had been fast enough that he had still seen teh dust cloud emanating from Pinkleberry's room.
It was horrendous. There was attic insulation covering half of the floor in her room and spilling out into the hallway. The ceiling has a HUGE whole in it. There is drywall and peeled paint and other stuff from the crawlspace now on Pink's floor. The track lighting fixture is no longer firmly attached to the ceiling. It's kind of hanging loose on one side.
After several long moments of being completely overwhelmed, we decided we should take some pictures of it. But both big girls are at Girls' Camp this week and they took our digital camera. So while the Hubba vacuumed out the hallway and put a baby gate up so no children could get into that bedroom (we can't close the door because the ceiling is in the way), I emailed a friend with a camera and asked if she could come by today.
And just to add to the fun, our downstairs air conditioner is broken and now we can't use the one upstairs. And it's the middle of July.
So I'm trying to not to feel upset that these types of things keep happening to us. It's very overwhelming and a big mess and all of Pink's and Wink's clothes were on the floor (I swear I was going to get to that today! I did K's and Mack's room the day before yesterday.) I figured this is where I can count my blessings so that this problem doesn't ruin me. I hope the following list will be long and help me feel better.
My Blessings, One by One
1. No children were hurt when the ceiling caved in.
2. If I wanted I could turn on some Lionel Richie and "dance on the ceiling."
3. The rest of the ceiling in the whole house is holding up quite nicely, it's just contained to one room that no one actually sleeps in or really uses that much.
4. 8 healthy, happy kids who are clothed (usually) and fed (mostly). I could even write this one 8 times.
5. Pinkleberry knows how to pee in the potty.
6. Our food storage
7. My husband loves me.
8. Freedom of religion, and the other freedoms protected by the constitution
9. Digital cameras
10. Computers
11. Hot water
12. Indoor plumbing
13. Family visits
14. Remembering to get the trash out today instead of forgetting again like I did last week.
15. No blood clots, no medication
16. Low cholesterol and blood pressure
17. Dancing
18. Bosch bread mixer
19. Furniture
20. My husband can't get laid off.
21. facebook
22. Good friends
23. summer
24. A house big enough for our family.
25. Two cars that are paid off.
26. Education
27. Teaching Relief Society
28. The Hubba is home safely
29. Scrapbooks and family videos
30. Only 1/4 of my kids have cavities after the last dental visit
31. otter pops and sprinklers
32. telephones
33. temples
34. Meeting the family from Mauritius
35. Good deals on granola bars and oatmeal yesterday ($1/package for Quaker!)
36. Good friends for my kids
37. All the camps they've been able to go to.
38. Camping at Bear Lake
39. My hair cut so I don't look like an idiot anymore.
40. Joining the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
41. Scriptures and prayer
42. a beautiful wedding ring
43. K's eczema/food allergies being 85% under control
44. Caffeine free Coke
45. making it from month to month
46. my mom is okay after a stroke.
47. Being able to help people and feeling so good afterwards
48. I live in the US
49. Natural childbirth
50. cool evenings
It was horrendous. There was attic insulation covering half of the floor in her room and spilling out into the hallway. The ceiling has a HUGE whole in it. There is drywall and peeled paint and other stuff from the crawlspace now on Pink's floor. The track lighting fixture is no longer firmly attached to the ceiling. It's kind of hanging loose on one side.
After several long moments of being completely overwhelmed, we decided we should take some pictures of it. But both big girls are at Girls' Camp this week and they took our digital camera. So while the Hubba vacuumed out the hallway and put a baby gate up so no children could get into that bedroom (we can't close the door because the ceiling is in the way), I emailed a friend with a camera and asked if she could come by today.
And just to add to the fun, our downstairs air conditioner is broken and now we can't use the one upstairs. And it's the middle of July.
So I'm trying to not to feel upset that these types of things keep happening to us. It's very overwhelming and a big mess and all of Pink's and Wink's clothes were on the floor (I swear I was going to get to that today! I did K's and Mack's room the day before yesterday.) I figured this is where I can count my blessings so that this problem doesn't ruin me. I hope the following list will be long and help me feel better.
My Blessings, One by One
1. No children were hurt when the ceiling caved in.
2. If I wanted I could turn on some Lionel Richie and "dance on the ceiling."
3. The rest of the ceiling in the whole house is holding up quite nicely, it's just contained to one room that no one actually sleeps in or really uses that much.
4. 8 healthy, happy kids who are clothed (usually) and fed (mostly). I could even write this one 8 times.
5. Pinkleberry knows how to pee in the potty.
6. Our food storage
7. My husband loves me.
8. Freedom of religion, and the other freedoms protected by the constitution
9. Digital cameras
10. Computers
11. Hot water
12. Indoor plumbing
13. Family visits
14. Remembering to get the trash out today instead of forgetting again like I did last week.
15. No blood clots, no medication
16. Low cholesterol and blood pressure
17. Dancing
18. Bosch bread mixer
19. Furniture
20. My husband can't get laid off.
21. facebook
22. Good friends
23. summer
24. A house big enough for our family.
25. Two cars that are paid off.
26. Education
27. Teaching Relief Society
28. The Hubba is home safely
29. Scrapbooks and family videos
30. Only 1/4 of my kids have cavities after the last dental visit
31. otter pops and sprinklers
32. telephones
33. temples
34. Meeting the family from Mauritius
35. Good deals on granola bars and oatmeal yesterday ($1/package for Quaker!)
36. Good friends for my kids
37. All the camps they've been able to go to.
38. Camping at Bear Lake
39. My hair cut so I don't look like an idiot anymore.
40. Joining the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
41. Scriptures and prayer
42. a beautiful wedding ring
43. K's eczema/food allergies being 85% under control
44. Caffeine free Coke
45. making it from month to month
46. my mom is okay after a stroke.
47. Being able to help people and feeling so good afterwards
48. I live in the US
49. Natural childbirth
50. cool evenings
08 July 2009
I'm giving up on my waist
I wanted to thank all of you who sponsored me and for the couple who actually had to cash in. But I think I'm going to call it quits.
I've had some whiffs of thoughts the past few days and suddenly driving home this evening, they all came into some sort of focus and I thought I'd write them all down and commit to it before I forget in the glaring daylight.
I was talking with my sister-in-law over the weekend and the subject of how much we eat and complaining about our bodies came up several times. At one point I said (for probably the umpteenth time!) that I'm totally okay with my body except for my belly. And she replied that I didn't seem like a fat person. I seemed like just a fit person. And I don't feel fat, except for the belly. I was remembering that in the car tonight and wondering what I would focus on if/when the belly gets reined in. Will it be my thighs? My hair? My cheeks? What? I felt like it was never going to end. I would never be satisfied.
Case in point. I was a skinny girl. When I got married I was 5'8" tall and weighed 128 lbs. I had an hourglass figure and bought my wedding gown off the rack and did not have to adjust it at all. And you know what? I thought I was fat. I thought I had a belly back then. I thought my thighs were flabby. And it's only been in the past few years that I've realized what a woman looks like when her muscles aren't flexed! Of course you're going to have SOME kind of roll at your waist when you bend over if for no other reason than your skin is getting squooshed together! Of course your thighs are going to spread when you sit down because of the pressure of your seat. Of course when you run, your legs will jiggle because the muscles are contracting and relaxing! But I thought that was all fat back then. And there's no possible way I could have been fat at 128 lbs!
And here I am really starting to obsess about my belly. Yeah. It really is fat. But honestly, if someone would have told me from the beginning that this was the price I had to pay for these 8 gorgeous and wonderful children, I would gladly have paid it. So the fact that I complain about it and stress over it so much kind of makes it like I'm giving that gift of life and love begrudgingly. Like somehow the sacrifice was too much or not to my liking or that I wish I could take it back. Or that I want to have my cake and eat it, too. Ha Ha.
And seriously, didn't I just survive a deep vein thrombosis? Didn't I get a new lease on life and have perfect blood tests and don't need to take dangerous medication daily for the rest of my life? In the face of that triumph, why am I so beset by a mommy belly that I earned? I think I'll just be much happier if I submit to that and embrace that belly for the beautiful thing it is. I know my husband will be happier if he doesn't have to hear me talk about it all the time and try to come up with an appropriate response. And what about my girls? I'd really like for them NOT to go through their teenage years with a mom who is consumed with her weight and how tapering her wasit line is.
And this isn't to say that I don't care or that I wouldn't like to have a narrower waist. But I'm just not going to obsess about it anymore. I'm healthy and I'm doing things I like to do and maybe someday the belly will reflect those things. But I'm not going to punish myself for the God-given blessing and divine design it is for women to gain weight while pregnant and breastfeeding.
I've had some whiffs of thoughts the past few days and suddenly driving home this evening, they all came into some sort of focus and I thought I'd write them all down and commit to it before I forget in the glaring daylight.
I was talking with my sister-in-law over the weekend and the subject of how much we eat and complaining about our bodies came up several times. At one point I said (for probably the umpteenth time!) that I'm totally okay with my body except for my belly. And she replied that I didn't seem like a fat person. I seemed like just a fit person. And I don't feel fat, except for the belly. I was remembering that in the car tonight and wondering what I would focus on if/when the belly gets reined in. Will it be my thighs? My hair? My cheeks? What? I felt like it was never going to end. I would never be satisfied.
Case in point. I was a skinny girl. When I got married I was 5'8" tall and weighed 128 lbs. I had an hourglass figure and bought my wedding gown off the rack and did not have to adjust it at all. And you know what? I thought I was fat. I thought I had a belly back then. I thought my thighs were flabby. And it's only been in the past few years that I've realized what a woman looks like when her muscles aren't flexed! Of course you're going to have SOME kind of roll at your waist when you bend over if for no other reason than your skin is getting squooshed together! Of course your thighs are going to spread when you sit down because of the pressure of your seat. Of course when you run, your legs will jiggle because the muscles are contracting and relaxing! But I thought that was all fat back then. And there's no possible way I could have been fat at 128 lbs!
And here I am really starting to obsess about my belly. Yeah. It really is fat. But honestly, if someone would have told me from the beginning that this was the price I had to pay for these 8 gorgeous and wonderful children, I would gladly have paid it. So the fact that I complain about it and stress over it so much kind of makes it like I'm giving that gift of life and love begrudgingly. Like somehow the sacrifice was too much or not to my liking or that I wish I could take it back. Or that I want to have my cake and eat it, too. Ha Ha.
And seriously, didn't I just survive a deep vein thrombosis? Didn't I get a new lease on life and have perfect blood tests and don't need to take dangerous medication daily for the rest of my life? In the face of that triumph, why am I so beset by a mommy belly that I earned? I think I'll just be much happier if I submit to that and embrace that belly for the beautiful thing it is. I know my husband will be happier if he doesn't have to hear me talk about it all the time and try to come up with an appropriate response. And what about my girls? I'd really like for them NOT to go through their teenage years with a mom who is consumed with her weight and how tapering her wasit line is.
And this isn't to say that I don't care or that I wouldn't like to have a narrower waist. But I'm just not going to obsess about it anymore. I'm healthy and I'm doing things I like to do and maybe someday the belly will reflect those things. But I'm not going to punish myself for the God-given blessing and divine design it is for women to gain weight while pregnant and breastfeeding.
07 July 2009
Marriage
Marriage means that despite the fact that I successfully slept alone for more than half my life, when my husband is gone now I am rendered incapable of a good, solid night's sleep. Even if I stay up until the wee hours of the morning exhausting myself. That is, apparently, also was co-sleeping means because the baby is having the same problem. We both miss Hubba. Sigh.
06 July 2009
Crybaby
I always cry when my husband leaves town. Always. Even when he'll just be in the neighboring county for the regular workday so that I'll still see him again at the same time in the evening--I cry.
I suppose it's a good thing that separation is so devastating to me. Maybe that's a sign of a vital and thriving marriage. Yesterday I cried because he left on a hiking trip with his brothers. Often, when he's gone, I just send him emails. Even if he won't have access to a computer. It just makes me feel close and like I'm communicating with him. But this time, I have denied myself that crutch thinking that I can surely get by for three days! So now I find myself all day trying to remember my catalog of things that I want to tell him. Something sweet the kids did or something funny someone said about the baby.
Cleaving = good
Separation = bad
I suppose the only redeeming quality of this whole business is that my husband, knowing I would cry and miss him terribly, was thoughtful and sweet and left me little notes to find. I love that.
I suppose it's a good thing that separation is so devastating to me. Maybe that's a sign of a vital and thriving marriage. Yesterday I cried because he left on a hiking trip with his brothers. Often, when he's gone, I just send him emails. Even if he won't have access to a computer. It just makes me feel close and like I'm communicating with him. But this time, I have denied myself that crutch thinking that I can surely get by for three days! So now I find myself all day trying to remember my catalog of things that I want to tell him. Something sweet the kids did or something funny someone said about the baby.
Cleaving = good
Separation = bad
I suppose the only redeeming quality of this whole business is that my husband, knowing I would cry and miss him terribly, was thoughtful and sweet and left me little notes to find. I love that.
Overheard
Walking to church.
Mack: Can we go to New York?
Me: Why do you want to go to New York?
Mack: I just want to see it.
Me: What do you want to see?
Mack: I just want to see everything there is to see?
Me: What is there to see in New York?
Mack: I don't know. I've never been there!
Me: One time when Baboo and Wiyah were babies, we went to New York.
Mack: Can we go there again?
Me: I don't know. It's very far away. It would take a long time to get there.
Mack: Well, do you have a super speed button?
Me: Nope.
Mack: Do you have a very fast button?
Me: No.
Mack: Do you have a switch?
Me: No.
Mack: What's a switch?
Me: It's something that turns things on and off.
Mack: Well, do you have anything that could get us there faster?
Mack: Can we go to New York?
Me: Why do you want to go to New York?
Mack: I just want to see it.
Me: What do you want to see?
Mack: I just want to see everything there is to see?
Me: What is there to see in New York?
Mack: I don't know. I've never been there!
Me: One time when Baboo and Wiyah were babies, we went to New York.
Mack: Can we go there again?
Me: I don't know. It's very far away. It would take a long time to get there.
Mack: Well, do you have a super speed button?
Me: Nope.
Mack: Do you have a very fast button?
Me: No.
Mack: Do you have a switch?
Me: No.
Mack: What's a switch?
Me: It's something that turns things on and off.
Mack: Well, do you have anything that could get us there faster?
Mormon Monday: More French
I'd say that it was coincidence. But it just seems too coincidental to be mere chance.
So I've written about how much we are enjoying spending time with the Mauritians and how close we feel to them. We have such affection for them. In fact, when we were at the temple for their daughter's sealing last week, the dad told us that he was so glad we had come. They came to the states not knowing anyone, but they feel like we are family. It was very sweet. Today at church, they gave me a small package of Mauritian souvenirs that they must have brought from their island as a gift for my girls. There was some stationery and bookmarks and necklaces and bracelents. It was such a sweet and thoughtful gift. Pinkleberry enjoyed dressing herself up immediately in sacrament meeting with a matching necklace/bracelet set.
In Relief Society, one of my friends turned around and said that her son had served a mission in Toulouse, France. One of the families he had taught on his mission was coming here at the end of August for three weeks to be sealed. She asked if we would set aside some time during their stay to come over to their house and do activities with them and help translate and all of that good stuff. Cool!
How can a lowly francophone couple such as ourselves receive such a great bounty of French blessings all in one summer? It's such an honor and a privelege and it feels wonderful to have my rusty French finally be USEFUL and serve some sort of practical purpose.
So I've written about how much we are enjoying spending time with the Mauritians and how close we feel to them. We have such affection for them. In fact, when we were at the temple for their daughter's sealing last week, the dad told us that he was so glad we had come. They came to the states not knowing anyone, but they feel like we are family. It was very sweet. Today at church, they gave me a small package of Mauritian souvenirs that they must have brought from their island as a gift for my girls. There was some stationery and bookmarks and necklaces and bracelents. It was such a sweet and thoughtful gift. Pinkleberry enjoyed dressing herself up immediately in sacrament meeting with a matching necklace/bracelet set.
In Relief Society, one of my friends turned around and said that her son had served a mission in Toulouse, France. One of the families he had taught on his mission was coming here at the end of August for three weeks to be sealed. She asked if we would set aside some time during their stay to come over to their house and do activities with them and help translate and all of that good stuff. Cool!
How can a lowly francophone couple such as ourselves receive such a great bounty of French blessings all in one summer? It's such an honor and a privelege and it feels wonderful to have my rusty French finally be USEFUL and serve some sort of practical purpose.
03 July 2009
What is making me laugh today
Flight of the Conchords. Man, these guys are hilarious. Much of their stuff I can't recommend because of inappropriate lyrics. But this one is great.
02 July 2009
Why a half marathon is not in my future
Dear Kodiak,
Have you absolutely lost your mind?!?! I was talking to my sister-in-law about her half marathon. She made her goal, which was to run the entire way without stopping. She did it. I'd elaborate more, but frankly that's HER story to tell, not mine. So we were talking about running and I was saying that the problem with running is that with every step I take, these are the thoughts running through my mind:
1. Ouch that hurts.
2. I'm really tired.
3. I'm going to try to run to that tree.
4. Who am I kidding? I can't take another step.
I am painfully aware of every second I spend running. They are my longest workouts ever. I asked her how she could possibly run for that long without stopping and she said you just basically get used to the pain. And you know what? That is not really encouraging to me. She agreed with my assessment of my thoughts above, too.
As of right now, when I go running, the best I have ever done is to run for close to one mile and then do some combination of sprinting or jogging and walking and then once I was able to run about 2/3 of a mile more. Which means that I can still not even come close to running a 5k. (And I will admit that that one time it felt like it would take less energy to keep running than to stop--inertia and all. But still that only kept me going for less than 1/4 of a mile more.)
The reason I enjoy dance workouts are because it's so fun. The most prevalent thought on my mind while I'm working out is "what comes next?" and then maybe, "Am I doing this right? Now that I've got the basics down, how can I make myself look better? What happens if I change my groove a little this way? Do I like it better?" And a 45 minute workout passes by in a flash that leaves me wanting more.
Plus there's the high afterward. A total endorphin rush that I don't get from running.
Still, I value running and wish I could persevere at it. Even excel. But I hate it so much I can't imagine that happening anytime soon. I woul enjoy training for a 5k (which I think is a reasonable distance for a human being to run), but not by myself. And not with someone who can already run a 5k. Anybody like me want to train together?
Have you absolutely lost your mind?!?! I was talking to my sister-in-law about her half marathon. She made her goal, which was to run the entire way without stopping. She did it. I'd elaborate more, but frankly that's HER story to tell, not mine. So we were talking about running and I was saying that the problem with running is that with every step I take, these are the thoughts running through my mind:
1. Ouch that hurts.
2. I'm really tired.
3. I'm going to try to run to that tree.
4. Who am I kidding? I can't take another step.
I am painfully aware of every second I spend running. They are my longest workouts ever. I asked her how she could possibly run for that long without stopping and she said you just basically get used to the pain. And you know what? That is not really encouraging to me. She agreed with my assessment of my thoughts above, too.
As of right now, when I go running, the best I have ever done is to run for close to one mile and then do some combination of sprinting or jogging and walking and then once I was able to run about 2/3 of a mile more. Which means that I can still not even come close to running a 5k. (And I will admit that that one time it felt like it would take less energy to keep running than to stop--inertia and all. But still that only kept me going for less than 1/4 of a mile more.)
The reason I enjoy dance workouts are because it's so fun. The most prevalent thought on my mind while I'm working out is "what comes next?" and then maybe, "Am I doing this right? Now that I've got the basics down, how can I make myself look better? What happens if I change my groove a little this way? Do I like it better?" And a 45 minute workout passes by in a flash that leaves me wanting more.
Plus there's the high afterward. A total endorphin rush that I don't get from running.
Still, I value running and wish I could persevere at it. Even excel. But I hate it so much I can't imagine that happening anytime soon. I woul enjoy training for a 5k (which I think is a reasonable distance for a human being to run), but not by myself. And not with someone who can already run a 5k. Anybody like me want to train together?
01 July 2009
Things As They Really Are
This was a great talk that the Hubba brought to my attention by Elder Bednar. It's all about how damaging it can be to live for too long in a cyber world. I thought it was excellent.
dancin'
So my sister-in-law just ran a half marathon several days ago. Impressive, huh? And this week and part of next week she's hanging out at my house with me. This afternoon we were talking about how much we loved dance workouts and so we just HAD to go down in my basement and groove to my DVDs. It was pretty awesome. We worked it OUT. We were shakin' and sweatin' and it was a blast. Made me feel pretty great that I could keep up with someone who can run 13 miles.
30 June 2009
The Death of Birth
Maybe you didn't notice, but I'm not doing birthwork anymore. Winkleberry is definitely old enough that this is the time I usually jump back into things. But I'm not jumping. I'm not renewing my website which expires in November. I don't even think I've updated it for two years or so. That means I will lose my professional birth email. I no longer have a business/cell phone. In March, I sold many of my birth books and tools (couldn't bring myself to sell the videos or the best of the books--the ones I always go back to when I am pregnant myself). I emptied out my business account and didn't renew my business license. Here are the reasons why.
1. I like teaching childbirth classes. But I much prefer large classes. Having just a couple of people stresses me out. I'm much better in large groups. But it's hard to gather a large group for private natural childbirth classes. I also really hate all the advertising and networking and the whole business side of offering classes. I just want to show up and teach. And not in my house. I want to be someplace else. And that's just not happening.
2. I'm tired of the fight. I'm exhausted with trying to be polite to people and educate people who don't want to be educated about birth. If you want to have a stupid, traumatic birth where you unknowingly introduce risks to yourself or your baby, go ahead. I'm going to be napping.
3. I'm skittish about going to births as a doula. Over the past couple of years I have become aware of several families and doulas who have attended traumatic births where things have gone really wrong and/or been really difficult. I know they don't happen often. But i'm just really nervous about that. I can be a great support person even when things are difficult. Like 36 hour labors that end in a cesarean. I don't WANT to be the support person in a birth where there is a fetal demise or something else horrific.
4. After all these years, I still don't feel like I'm a great doula. I just can't seem to get the experience that I want to really feel adequate and comfortable and sure of myself. Also, in order to warrant the time I would spend away from home doing all of this, I would need to charge a lot of money. That's what it would take to make it worth my while. But quite honestly, I'm not good enough to charge that much. There are much better doulas with more experience than I have who would give a better bang for the buck.
So there ya go. It's the end of Birthsongs. It make me sad because for a long time that was all part of my identity. It was part of who I was and what I did besides being a mom. Something unique about me. I feel like it's lost now and I kind of don't know who I am anymore. I feel like there's nothing that makes me special from any other stay at home mom. I'm also kind of at a loss for any dreams whatsoever. What am I going to do now? What will I work towards?
1. I like teaching childbirth classes. But I much prefer large classes. Having just a couple of people stresses me out. I'm much better in large groups. But it's hard to gather a large group for private natural childbirth classes. I also really hate all the advertising and networking and the whole business side of offering classes. I just want to show up and teach. And not in my house. I want to be someplace else. And that's just not happening.
2. I'm tired of the fight. I'm exhausted with trying to be polite to people and educate people who don't want to be educated about birth. If you want to have a stupid, traumatic birth where you unknowingly introduce risks to yourself or your baby, go ahead. I'm going to be napping.
3. I'm skittish about going to births as a doula. Over the past couple of years I have become aware of several families and doulas who have attended traumatic births where things have gone really wrong and/or been really difficult. I know they don't happen often. But i'm just really nervous about that. I can be a great support person even when things are difficult. Like 36 hour labors that end in a cesarean. I don't WANT to be the support person in a birth where there is a fetal demise or something else horrific.
4. After all these years, I still don't feel like I'm a great doula. I just can't seem to get the experience that I want to really feel adequate and comfortable and sure of myself. Also, in order to warrant the time I would spend away from home doing all of this, I would need to charge a lot of money. That's what it would take to make it worth my while. But quite honestly, I'm not good enough to charge that much. There are much better doulas with more experience than I have who would give a better bang for the buck.
So there ya go. It's the end of Birthsongs. It make me sad because for a long time that was all part of my identity. It was part of who I was and what I did besides being a mom. Something unique about me. I feel like it's lost now and I kind of don't know who I am anymore. I feel like there's nothing that makes me special from any other stay at home mom. I'm also kind of at a loss for any dreams whatsoever. What am I going to do now? What will I work towards?
Overheard
While I was working in the kitchen.
Kelvinator: Mom, I'm attracted to girls.
Me: Oh yeah?
K: Yeah.
Me: How can you tell?
K: Well, last year, at the end of first grade, Ashley was always coming by me and smiling. And she liked me AND had a crush on me AND loved me.
Me: Really? Yeah, and LOTS of girls had crushes on me. I know that Gracie R and Gracie S did. And Skylee and Rachel...
Kelvinator: Mom, I'm attracted to girls.
Me: Oh yeah?
K: Yeah.
Me: How can you tell?
K: Well, last year, at the end of first grade, Ashley was always coming by me and smiling. And she liked me AND had a crush on me AND loved me.
Me: Really? Yeah, and LOTS of girls had crushes on me. I know that Gracie R and Gracie S did. And Skylee and Rachel...
Mack's tantrums
Lately, Mack has figured out how to throw major temper tantrums. If we tell him no to anything, he throws himself face first on the floor making this growling sound. Like the kind of noise you would expect a woman pushing her baby out to make. I usually just ignore temper tantrums. But his are so loud and long-lasting and annoying. I just can't take it anymore.
So I have started telling him that if he's going to make that noise, I'll put him "in the room" (our version of time out). I think I've done it two or three times.
And now, when he first begins to fling himself on the floor and make that sound all I have to say is "room" and he replies with "Never mind."
As in, "Never mind that wretched noise I was making or that temper tantrum I was throwing."
So I have started telling him that if he's going to make that noise, I'll put him "in the room" (our version of time out). I think I've done it two or three times.
And now, when he first begins to fling himself on the floor and make that sound all I have to say is "room" and he replies with "Never mind."
As in, "Never mind that wretched noise I was making or that temper tantrum I was throwing."
29 June 2009
Black Bean Soup
A few months ago we invited my sister-in-law and her daughters over or dinner. I said, "Let's do something simple like Mexican." She offered to bring the beans because she had this fabulous recipe for refried black beans with cilantro. I'm all for cilantro. So of course I hastily agreed.
She came over and her beans were stupendous. We rolled them up with cheese in tortillas and topped them. Totally made the meal. She said she'd get me the recipe. And for those select few people who follow my blog regularly, this recipe is your payoff. I will first copy and paste the very words that she sent me and then I'll tell you how I tweaked it tonight.
Black Bean Soup –
from Moosewood Restaurant Cooks at Home with editorial rambling remarks and occasional commentary by (Sister-in-Law)
10 sun dried tomatoes (not packed in oil, but don't forgo them if this is all you have in the cupboard)
1 C. boiling water
1 chopped onion
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 jalapeño chili (I never do this since I never have jalapeno on hand, but I do always have a Thai chili garlic sauce on hand which is not oriental tasting at all, just good hotness and garlicyness. If you use this too, remember to only use a teensy bit! If not, add a touch if cayenne, or nothing at all if your kids are sensitive to hot)
2 T. vegetable oil
1 tsp ground cumin (I often only have on hand the seeds since they are super cheap from an Indian food store here. They work just fine)
1/3 C. water ( I have no idea how much water I put in. You're making soup, so you choose if it is soupy or stewy. This recipe I often use as soup with quesadillas one night, and then it thickens the next day and I use it inside burritos, or with chips, or straight from the refrigerator with a spoon. Ok, really with a finger.)
3 C. undrained tomatoes (this can be 1 28 oz size can or a couple of 16 oz size cans)
4 C. undrained black beans (ok, I heard once that beans can be made less gassy if they are drained, so I am always in the habit of draining them. I would make up for the loss of liquid by adding more water and a vegetable broth cube if you have one. BUT MAKE SURE IT IS NOT CHICKEN! Just kidding. If chicken is what you have, then use it. You'll survive just fine.)
¼ C. chopped cilantro ( I never measure ¼ cup. I use part of the bunch so the other part can be used later. I also don't pick the dang leaves off of the dang stems. Life is too short. I just chop up the whole thing since it will all be simmered in soup anyway)
additional water or tomato juice (see above note about water, and also, remember that you will be adding the water from the sun dried tomatoes.)
In a small bowl, cover the sun dried tomatoes with the boiling water and set aside.
In a soup pot, saute the onions first since they can stand a longer time and higher heat than garlic. If you have time and want to add something special, caramelize them, but if it is a weeknight, just let them get a bit translucent. Lower heat and add garlic for just a minute, then add cumin. Now add everything else except the sun dried tomatoes (Moosewood here has some long list of what to add when, but I can't see the point of separating out things at this point unless maybe you want the cilantro added closer to the end). Bring to a boil, lower heat and simmer.
Drain water from the sun dried tomatoes into the soup pot, chop the softened tomatoes, and add them to the pot. Simmer for about 10 min. Blend the soup until most is smooth, but there is still some texture.
And this is how I actually made the beans:
1 chopped onion
3 garlic cloves, minced
skipped the jalapeno
2 T vegetable oil
1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
1 cup water (I estimated for what might have been lost by not using sun dried tomatoes)
3 cups undrained diced tomatoes (I added another can of diced tomatoes because I didn't use any sun dried)
5 cans drained black beans (I originally only put in 4 but it looked too tomato-y)
A whole heck of a lot of cilantro because we love it--maybe 2/3 to 3/4 of a bunch. I didn't measure.
Salt to taste
I caramelized the onions, sauteed the garlic and added cumin. Then I just dumped everything in and brought to a boil. After it had simmered for a bit, I stuck in a beater and blended it up. It still seemed too watery so I let it reduce for a bit longer.
It was a big hit. The adults that it was fabulous and the kids ate it up. We served it up on fried corn tortillas and soft flour tortillas with cheese. There was not a drop left in the pot after dinner and in fact, several people would have eaten more if there had been any left.
And my sister-in-law was right, the recipe looked more complicated than it really was. It was totally simple and fast. Also, I think it's a very forgiving recipe. I substituted and tweaked and it still turned out yummy. I think the only thing I would change next time is to add some lime juice. Mmmmm...
She came over and her beans were stupendous. We rolled them up with cheese in tortillas and topped them. Totally made the meal. She said she'd get me the recipe. And for those select few people who follow my blog regularly, this recipe is your payoff. I will first copy and paste the very words that she sent me and then I'll tell you how I tweaked it tonight.
Black Bean Soup –
from Moosewood Restaurant Cooks at Home with editorial rambling remarks and occasional commentary by (Sister-in-Law)
10 sun dried tomatoes (not packed in oil, but don't forgo them if this is all you have in the cupboard)
1 C. boiling water
1 chopped onion
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 jalapeño chili (I never do this since I never have jalapeno on hand, but I do always have a Thai chili garlic sauce on hand which is not oriental tasting at all, just good hotness and garlicyness. If you use this too, remember to only use a teensy bit! If not, add a touch if cayenne, or nothing at all if your kids are sensitive to hot)
2 T. vegetable oil
1 tsp ground cumin (I often only have on hand the seeds since they are super cheap from an Indian food store here. They work just fine)
1/3 C. water ( I have no idea how much water I put in. You're making soup, so you choose if it is soupy or stewy. This recipe I often use as soup with quesadillas one night, and then it thickens the next day and I use it inside burritos, or with chips, or straight from the refrigerator with a spoon. Ok, really with a finger.)
3 C. undrained tomatoes (this can be 1 28 oz size can or a couple of 16 oz size cans)
4 C. undrained black beans (ok, I heard once that beans can be made less gassy if they are drained, so I am always in the habit of draining them. I would make up for the loss of liquid by adding more water and a vegetable broth cube if you have one. BUT MAKE SURE IT IS NOT CHICKEN! Just kidding. If chicken is what you have, then use it. You'll survive just fine.)
¼ C. chopped cilantro ( I never measure ¼ cup. I use part of the bunch so the other part can be used later. I also don't pick the dang leaves off of the dang stems. Life is too short. I just chop up the whole thing since it will all be simmered in soup anyway)
additional water or tomato juice (see above note about water, and also, remember that you will be adding the water from the sun dried tomatoes.)
In a small bowl, cover the sun dried tomatoes with the boiling water and set aside.
In a soup pot, saute the onions first since they can stand a longer time and higher heat than garlic. If you have time and want to add something special, caramelize them, but if it is a weeknight, just let them get a bit translucent. Lower heat and add garlic for just a minute, then add cumin. Now add everything else except the sun dried tomatoes (Moosewood here has some long list of what to add when, but I can't see the point of separating out things at this point unless maybe you want the cilantro added closer to the end). Bring to a boil, lower heat and simmer.
Drain water from the sun dried tomatoes into the soup pot, chop the softened tomatoes, and add them to the pot. Simmer for about 10 min. Blend the soup until most is smooth, but there is still some texture.
And this is how I actually made the beans:
1 chopped onion
3 garlic cloves, minced
skipped the jalapeno
2 T vegetable oil
1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
1 cup water (I estimated for what might have been lost by not using sun dried tomatoes)
3 cups undrained diced tomatoes (I added another can of diced tomatoes because I didn't use any sun dried)
5 cans drained black beans (I originally only put in 4 but it looked too tomato-y)
A whole heck of a lot of cilantro because we love it--maybe 2/3 to 3/4 of a bunch. I didn't measure.
Salt to taste
I caramelized the onions, sauteed the garlic and added cumin. Then I just dumped everything in and brought to a boil. After it had simmered for a bit, I stuck in a beater and blended it up. It still seemed too watery so I let it reduce for a bit longer.
It was a big hit. The adults that it was fabulous and the kids ate it up. We served it up on fried corn tortillas and soft flour tortillas with cheese. There was not a drop left in the pot after dinner and in fact, several people would have eaten more if there had been any left.
And my sister-in-law was right, the recipe looked more complicated than it really was. It was totally simple and fast. Also, I think it's a very forgiving recipe. I substituted and tweaked and it still turned out yummy. I think the only thing I would change next time is to add some lime juice. Mmmmm...
Cherry Picking
A good friend and former neighbor invited us over today to pick cherries from his tree. We loaded up our gang and some visitors and played in his awesome backyard (a real tree house, a play house, two sets of swings, big rocks, benches, a stream, green grass and lots of trees) and picked cherries. It was a lot of fun and the cherries looked beautiful.
So this evening, I was pitting cherries to freeze. Some of the cherries are wormy. This grossed me out and is the reason why I still haven't eaten an apple from our tree. Still, maybe I can be tough if I am supposed to be. Am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to do when I pit a cherry and there are worms in it? Should I let my kids just eat the whole cherries and *hope* that there are no worms in them, knowing full well that they will probably eat a few?
So take the poll please. Google readers, click on over!
So this evening, I was pitting cherries to freeze. Some of the cherries are wormy. This grossed me out and is the reason why I still haven't eaten an apple from our tree. Still, maybe I can be tough if I am supposed to be. Am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to do when I pit a cherry and there are worms in it? Should I let my kids just eat the whole cherries and *hope* that there are no worms in them, knowing full well that they will probably eat a few?
So take the poll please. Google readers, click on over!
Overheard
Little mama, this one is for you! Please answer.
Today, Mack and I were snuggling on the couch together. I was talking about how I love the freckles on his face.
Mack: Does water grow freckles?
Me: Nope. Water doesn't do anything to freckles. But the sun can grow freckles.
Mack: The sun grows freckles?
Me: Uh-huh. When you are out in the sunshine, wherever the sun touches your face you can grow freckles. Well, not everybody can grow freckles. In our family it's just you and JJ who can grow freckles. And S.A.M has a lot of freckles. Do you remember S.A.M?
Mack: I remember S.A.M all the time. I remember him all day.
Me: Did you know that S.A.M.'s mommy is going to have another baby?
Mack: She is?
Me: Uh-huh. It's a boy baby.
Mack: Well how much bigs is her tummy?
Today, Mack and I were snuggling on the couch together. I was talking about how I love the freckles on his face.
Mack: Does water grow freckles?
Me: Nope. Water doesn't do anything to freckles. But the sun can grow freckles.
Mack: The sun grows freckles?
Me: Uh-huh. When you are out in the sunshine, wherever the sun touches your face you can grow freckles. Well, not everybody can grow freckles. In our family it's just you and JJ who can grow freckles. And S.A.M has a lot of freckles. Do you remember S.A.M?
Mack: I remember S.A.M all the time. I remember him all day.
Me: Did you know that S.A.M.'s mommy is going to have another baby?
Mack: She is?
Me: Uh-huh. It's a boy baby.
Mack: Well how much bigs is her tummy?
Mormon Monday: Wonderful Week
Wow. This past week has been a heavenly whirlwind. I don't know that I've ever spent a week like this in my life. Just wow.
So on Monday, the Hubba and I spent a couple of hours teaching the Mauritian family the temple prep classes. Ditto Tuesday and Wednesday. I found myself looking so forward to those visits because they are just so grateful and so humble and have such a love for the gospel that it just feels good to be around them and hear their thoughts and experiences. And of course, there's the French bonus on top of that.
One night as the Hubba and I were walking over there, I mentioned about this being what it might be like when we serve as missionaries when we're older.
Those couple of hours for three days made me feel so close to their family. It was astounding. And apparently the feeling was mutual because on Wednesday night they invited us to the temple with them for Thursday. We dropped everything and made it a priority to be there. We didn't get to sit with the family and so they didn't know we were there until later. I remember when I caught the sister's eye and saw her recognize me and I gave her a smile. I was so happy to be there. And then talking to them in the celestial room and just feeling how happy they were and all the hugs and watching their host family cry because of this great miracle they had had part in accomplishing. Truly just amazing. As we left the temple that evening, it had been raining. There was a gorgeous, bright double rainbow right before our eyes. It looked like it was completely contained within the valley the temple was in. We took pictures with the family in front of it and discussed how it was a special gift from God just for them.
We left the temple and went to a restaurant. It was so much fun. I can't remember anything in recent history that was as much fun as that. There we were--the engaged couple, the Mauritian couple, the host couple, and us. All sitting at a long table with French and English being thrown around everywhere, conversations going across the table length-wise, width-wise and diagonally. Translations happening. Translations not being needed. Understanding, warmth and laughter. I even found out that their engaged daughter is a French teaching major just like I was. The Hubba was particularly touched when she told him that he sounded "authentic" like he was a native.
The very next day was their family sealing at the Salt Lake Temple. While we were there in the marriage waiting room, we met and talked with a few other people. The fiance's "adoptive" family were there. Apparently he told his dad that we had 8 kids and the dad came over to talk to us. He told us that he wanted to bear his testimony to us. He also had 8 kids and that day was his birthday (also my father-in-law's birthday). He told us that he was so greatful he had served a missision right when he retired at 65 because soon thereafter he had some health problems (he described it as almost dying) and now is unable to serve a full-time mission. He then quoted Neal A. Maxwell and talked about how sometimes there were just random events or coincidences that he didn't think too much of at the time. But now, being at the tail end of his life, he's able to look back and see the themes and see how God weaved those experiences together and he realizes that none of those experiences was happenstance. The Hubba and I sat there together enjoying the spirit of God and pondering on what he had said to us.
We were called into a sealing room and the mom and dad were sealed together and then the two daughters were sealed to them. I had never seen children sealed to parents before. It was a neat experience. And they had gotten a French sealer from out of town to come do the ordinance at the Salt Lake Temple. It was so funny because he was talking in one language and then translating everything he said into the other language for the benefit of those who only spoke either French or English (about 1/2 the people there). And sometimes he would stop and say, "Wait. Did I just say that in English? So I need to say it in French now, right?" He spoke about the importance of the endowment and it was beautiful and simple. The Hubba said he never understood the endowment as well as he did from this short instruction. He had so much insight.
For myself, I was amazed at how well I understood his French. I can passively listen to English and hear and understand everything. Usually in French, it requires my attention. I have to actively listen to understand. But it was different in that sealing room. I had no problem whatsoever understanding the French and while he was speaking in French, it seemed that the ideas were clearer and more beautiful. But when he spoke in English, I had difficulty concentrating enough to understand what he was saying and that it still didn't make quite as much sense as it had in French.
The ordinance itself was short and sweet and performed just in French. I felt such gratitude to be a part of such a great miracle. How was it that we ended up witnessing the sealing of this faithful LDS family from the other side of the world? How did it happen that after only a few days of knowing them, I felt such affection and love and closeness? And that they felt it, too? We hugged the mom and the dad and offered our congratulations to the youngest daughter. I felt awkward a little bit because the older daughter had actually lived in our ward for almost a year and I had never gotten to know her. And now here I was at her sealing to her parents. I worried that she would resent our presence.
But while we stood there watching this beautiful scene of love in the House of the Lord, her fiance came over and said that we had witnessed so much that now we HAD to come to their sealing also! We were so honored. And once again, changed all our plans to accommodate being there for the sealing which will take place this week. I have also felt a profound gratitude for our children who have spent so many evenings taking care of themselves at home so that we could have this experience. And they have done it cheerfully and I've enjoyed sharing our experiences with them and I think they feel, in their own way, that their sacrifice makes them a part of these things, too.
Today, the Hubba and I were talking about how much we were looking forward to seeing the Mauritian family in church and wanting to talk with them again and be with them more. I mentioned to the Hubba that I couldn't believe how much love and affection I felt for them and that they obviously felt for us. There's just a kinship there that I find utterly amazing. He said that that's kind of what it's like on a mission with the people you are serving and praying over. There's just a bond of love when the gospel of Jesus Christ brings people together like that in righteousness.
At church, I was so happy that when the mom and her engaged daughter walked into Relief Society, they sat by me. I told the daughter that her fiance had invited us to her sealing and wondered if she was alright with that. She said that they had discussed and wanted to both come talk to us that day, but she needed to talk to someone else momentarily and he couldn't wait for her to finish in order to invite us together. She really wanted us to come if it was possible.
I wish I could better express this feeling of being involved in something really big with total strangers who aren't strangers after all. I feel a sense of belonging with the Mauritian family and their host family that I never could have anticipated. And it makes me wonder if this one little coincidental happening is the first piece of a puzzle that I won't see the whole picture for until later in life. Is this one of those events? It makes me excited to think that the Lord has other weeks like this one in store for me. I would love to have many more weeks like this--weeks of joy and fulfillment and satisfaction and usefulness and love and affection and temples and the gospel of Jesus Christ and the Spirit of God.
So on Monday, the Hubba and I spent a couple of hours teaching the Mauritian family the temple prep classes. Ditto Tuesday and Wednesday. I found myself looking so forward to those visits because they are just so grateful and so humble and have such a love for the gospel that it just feels good to be around them and hear their thoughts and experiences. And of course, there's the French bonus on top of that.
One night as the Hubba and I were walking over there, I mentioned about this being what it might be like when we serve as missionaries when we're older.
Those couple of hours for three days made me feel so close to their family. It was astounding. And apparently the feeling was mutual because on Wednesday night they invited us to the temple with them for Thursday. We dropped everything and made it a priority to be there. We didn't get to sit with the family and so they didn't know we were there until later. I remember when I caught the sister's eye and saw her recognize me and I gave her a smile. I was so happy to be there. And then talking to them in the celestial room and just feeling how happy they were and all the hugs and watching their host family cry because of this great miracle they had had part in accomplishing. Truly just amazing. As we left the temple that evening, it had been raining. There was a gorgeous, bright double rainbow right before our eyes. It looked like it was completely contained within the valley the temple was in. We took pictures with the family in front of it and discussed how it was a special gift from God just for them.
We left the temple and went to a restaurant. It was so much fun. I can't remember anything in recent history that was as much fun as that. There we were--the engaged couple, the Mauritian couple, the host couple, and us. All sitting at a long table with French and English being thrown around everywhere, conversations going across the table length-wise, width-wise and diagonally. Translations happening. Translations not being needed. Understanding, warmth and laughter. I even found out that their engaged daughter is a French teaching major just like I was. The Hubba was particularly touched when she told him that he sounded "authentic" like he was a native.
The very next day was their family sealing at the Salt Lake Temple. While we were there in the marriage waiting room, we met and talked with a few other people. The fiance's "adoptive" family were there. Apparently he told his dad that we had 8 kids and the dad came over to talk to us. He told us that he wanted to bear his testimony to us. He also had 8 kids and that day was his birthday (also my father-in-law's birthday). He told us that he was so greatful he had served a missision right when he retired at 65 because soon thereafter he had some health problems (he described it as almost dying) and now is unable to serve a full-time mission. He then quoted Neal A. Maxwell and talked about how sometimes there were just random events or coincidences that he didn't think too much of at the time. But now, being at the tail end of his life, he's able to look back and see the themes and see how God weaved those experiences together and he realizes that none of those experiences was happenstance. The Hubba and I sat there together enjoying the spirit of God and pondering on what he had said to us.
We were called into a sealing room and the mom and dad were sealed together and then the two daughters were sealed to them. I had never seen children sealed to parents before. It was a neat experience. And they had gotten a French sealer from out of town to come do the ordinance at the Salt Lake Temple. It was so funny because he was talking in one language and then translating everything he said into the other language for the benefit of those who only spoke either French or English (about 1/2 the people there). And sometimes he would stop and say, "Wait. Did I just say that in English? So I need to say it in French now, right?" He spoke about the importance of the endowment and it was beautiful and simple. The Hubba said he never understood the endowment as well as he did from this short instruction. He had so much insight.
For myself, I was amazed at how well I understood his French. I can passively listen to English and hear and understand everything. Usually in French, it requires my attention. I have to actively listen to understand. But it was different in that sealing room. I had no problem whatsoever understanding the French and while he was speaking in French, it seemed that the ideas were clearer and more beautiful. But when he spoke in English, I had difficulty concentrating enough to understand what he was saying and that it still didn't make quite as much sense as it had in French.
The ordinance itself was short and sweet and performed just in French. I felt such gratitude to be a part of such a great miracle. How was it that we ended up witnessing the sealing of this faithful LDS family from the other side of the world? How did it happen that after only a few days of knowing them, I felt such affection and love and closeness? And that they felt it, too? We hugged the mom and the dad and offered our congratulations to the youngest daughter. I felt awkward a little bit because the older daughter had actually lived in our ward for almost a year and I had never gotten to know her. And now here I was at her sealing to her parents. I worried that she would resent our presence.
But while we stood there watching this beautiful scene of love in the House of the Lord, her fiance came over and said that we had witnessed so much that now we HAD to come to their sealing also! We were so honored. And once again, changed all our plans to accommodate being there for the sealing which will take place this week. I have also felt a profound gratitude for our children who have spent so many evenings taking care of themselves at home so that we could have this experience. And they have done it cheerfully and I've enjoyed sharing our experiences with them and I think they feel, in their own way, that their sacrifice makes them a part of these things, too.
Today, the Hubba and I were talking about how much we were looking forward to seeing the Mauritian family in church and wanting to talk with them again and be with them more. I mentioned to the Hubba that I couldn't believe how much love and affection I felt for them and that they obviously felt for us. There's just a kinship there that I find utterly amazing. He said that that's kind of what it's like on a mission with the people you are serving and praying over. There's just a bond of love when the gospel of Jesus Christ brings people together like that in righteousness.
At church, I was so happy that when the mom and her engaged daughter walked into Relief Society, they sat by me. I told the daughter that her fiance had invited us to her sealing and wondered if she was alright with that. She said that they had discussed and wanted to both come talk to us that day, but she needed to talk to someone else momentarily and he couldn't wait for her to finish in order to invite us together. She really wanted us to come if it was possible.
I wish I could better express this feeling of being involved in something really big with total strangers who aren't strangers after all. I feel a sense of belonging with the Mauritian family and their host family that I never could have anticipated. And it makes me wonder if this one little coincidental happening is the first piece of a puzzle that I won't see the whole picture for until later in life. Is this one of those events? It makes me excited to think that the Lord has other weeks like this one in store for me. I would love to have many more weeks like this--weeks of joy and fulfillment and satisfaction and usefulness and love and affection and temples and the gospel of Jesus Christ and the Spirit of God.
26 June 2009
Sore
I am sore. The good kind of sore that makes you aware of your muscles but not enough to actually be painful. I haven't been sore like this from all those years of jazzercising or trying to run or walking or anything. It is awesome. Makes me feel like I'm finally making progress.
Yesterday I was just feeling it back by my shoulder blades and in my obliques and lower back. But today I am aware of soreness in my calfs, the fronts of my thighs, glutes, obliques, lower back, upper back, shoulders and upper arms (!), and even a trace in my forearms.
Shaun T. isn't kidding when he says it's a "rockin' body workout". Wow.
Yesterday I was just feeling it back by my shoulder blades and in my obliques and lower back. But today I am aware of soreness in my calfs, the fronts of my thighs, glutes, obliques, lower back, upper back, shoulders and upper arms (!), and even a trace in my forearms.
Shaun T. isn't kidding when he says it's a "rockin' body workout". Wow.
25 June 2009
Disco Groove
For my second workout of the day, Wiyah and I did the Disco Groove. That is some oblique workout. Whoo! You know it's awesome when the workout dvd is over but you're having so much fun that you just keep on dancing! It was really fun and exhausting and I'm soaking wet from sweat and still hot, despite the fact that I parked it over the AC vent.
Guess What?
This morning getting a drink after my workout.
Me: Oh, someone spilled here. [go to get a paper towel]
Wiyah: That's not water. That's Pink's pee. She's going to get a towel to clean it up.
Wiyah: Pink, did you get a towel?
Pink: No.
Me: There's one out back. [from swimming yesterday]
Wiyah: Pink, clean it up. Did you clean it all up? Are you wearing clean underwear?
Wiyah: Pink, do you need to go potty?
Pink: No.
Me: So are you potty training Pinkleberry?
Wiyah: Yes.
Me: Why?
Wiyah: Because I'm tired of changing her diapers.
Me: You don't have to.
Wiyah: But I WANT to.
Me: What are you going to do if she poops in her underwear?
Wiyah: [pause] Clean it out.
Me: Are you reminding her to go?
Wiyah: Yeah. I was just about to remind her to go when she peed on the floor this morning after staying dry all night.
Me: Yeah, when you stay dry all night it kind of builds up and so you have to make sure she goes potty right when she first wakes up.
Wiyah: She had just woken up when it happened.
Me: You can also offer her chocolate chips for a reward every time she sits on the potty. 4 chocolate chips.
Wiyah: Okay.
Me: And I'll pay you $20 when she's potty trained.
Wiyah: You don't have to pay me.
Me: But I want to. It's a job I hate and I'd gladly pay someone else to do it.
Wiyah: I don't want your money. Besides, nobody pays you when you do it.
Me: Still.
Me: Oh, someone spilled here. [go to get a paper towel]
Wiyah: That's not water. That's Pink's pee. She's going to get a towel to clean it up.
Wiyah: Pink, did you get a towel?
Pink: No.
Me: There's one out back. [from swimming yesterday]
Wiyah: Pink, clean it up. Did you clean it all up? Are you wearing clean underwear?
Wiyah: Pink, do you need to go potty?
Pink: No.
Me: So are you potty training Pinkleberry?
Wiyah: Yes.
Me: Why?
Wiyah: Because I'm tired of changing her diapers.
Me: You don't have to.
Wiyah: But I WANT to.
Me: What are you going to do if she poops in her underwear?
Wiyah: [pause] Clean it out.
Me: Are you reminding her to go?
Wiyah: Yeah. I was just about to remind her to go when she peed on the floor this morning after staying dry all night.
Me: Yeah, when you stay dry all night it kind of builds up and so you have to make sure she goes potty right when she first wakes up.
Wiyah: She had just woken up when it happened.
Me: You can also offer her chocolate chips for a reward every time she sits on the potty. 4 chocolate chips.
Wiyah: Okay.
Me: And I'll pay you $20 when she's potty trained.
Wiyah: You don't have to pay me.
Me: But I want to. It's a job I hate and I'd gladly pay someone else to do it.
Wiyah: I don't want your money. Besides, nobody pays you when you do it.
Me: Still.
Workin' and Groovin'
I wasn't going to post about this because, I don't know. It's one thing to say you're working out. But, I don't know. I feel kind of shy about people knowing the workouts I'm doing and also knowing that I'm schlepping my beautopotamus belly around. I don't know. It's one thing to be a skinny person saying you're working out. It's another, though, if.....well, you know.
But anyway, I have been loving these workouts so much I can't even contain it. I had a gift certificate for amazon and since I can't do jazzercise anymore, I was trying to find a workout DVD that I would enjoy at home. And I wanted something dance-y because that's the funnest kind of workout. I'm so not interested in weight training I can't even tell you.
So I researched and read reviews and ultimately decided to go with Hip Hop Abs. 1) It was Hip Hop. 2) It was all focused about the abs which is where I'm most focused, too. 3) It was the cheapest video available. There are four workouts on the video plus a bonus learn to dance vid at the end. As it turns out, I didn't like the ab sculpt or the total body burn workouts. But the Fat burning cardio was da bomb! It was still focused on abs. But it was much more dance moves than the other workouts which were more just exercising with a little funk.
I did it a couple times by myself and just loved it. Wiyah wanted to join in because she has thoroughly enjoyed her Hip Hop dance class so she thought it would be great summer practice for her. I told the boys it was a lot of fun and asked if they wanted to join. At first they said no, but they watched anyway. I tell you this workout is irresistable! They couldn't stay sitting and so by the end of the workout, we were all up groovin'. It was so much fun. (Baboo refuses to even watch it because she "can't dance" and won't be any good at it.)
Also, Shaun T is the host/dance partner/instructor. He is so funny and fun to watch. I can't help but smile. And he has so much energy, but not in a cheesy way. But you just watch him get into it and you can't help but up your energy level and funk out harder.
So now every day, we all look forward to when Winkleberry takes a nap and we head down to the basement for some hip hop abs. Even Mack and Pinkleberry come sometimes and shake their thang.
Anyway, I was enjoying that so much, but I wanted something more. So I got back online and did more research and used the last little bit of my gift certificate to purchase Rockin' Body. Wiyah and I (the big boys were at scout camp) had just finished the Hip Hop Ab Fat burning cardio workout when we checked the mail. We were so excited to get it that we went ahead and popped it in.
The first workout is a 15 minute thing where Shaun T. shows you the basics for a lot of the moves. But don't let that 15 mintues fool you. It's a great workout. The next workout is Party Express, 25 minutes. It's a lot of fun. You get a great cardio workout while he teaches you some awesome hip hop moves. And they aren't just discrete moves, but you end up putting everything all together in complex dance routine. He starts with the basics and justs builds from there. It's easy enough that the kids are learning the moves.
But anyway, my point was that even after having just completed a workout, Wiyah and I did those first two workouts on Rockin' Body just because they were so much fun. We wanted to do the third one, but unfortunately were completely wiped out.
It's so fun. I find myself trying to do and remember the dance steps throughout the day. I usually do the workouts while the baby is napping. So I find myself, all day, watching her for signs of fatigue so I can get her down and we can go workout in the basement. This morning, I couldn't wait and got up earlier than usual so I could go down and do it. X came down and jumped right in with me. He says the Rockin Body workouts are much harder than Hip Hop Abs. I know I'm sweating much more.
Yesterday I did the 45 minute Dance Party and that was INTENSE and hard and FUN. So much fun. You know I've always loved dancing and it's been hard being married and LDS. I think most adults end up dancing at bars and clubs and we just don't go. Also, the Hubba does not like nor dance to the music I like to dance to. And so who do you dance with if not your husband. I've missed being able to dance. This is a great alternative outlet for me.
And I love that the kids love it and that we all do it together. It's so much fun. In fact, we took our family to BYU campus last week. X and I were standing outside the art museum and started doing the "Get Busy" and "the Freak" --just dancing together in front of the museum! And the time just flies by on these workouts. I wish I could do them all day.
I haven't done the Disco Groove yet. Maybe for this afternoon's workout...
But anyway, I have been loving these workouts so much I can't even contain it. I had a gift certificate for amazon and since I can't do jazzercise anymore, I was trying to find a workout DVD that I would enjoy at home. And I wanted something dance-y because that's the funnest kind of workout. I'm so not interested in weight training I can't even tell you.
So I researched and read reviews and ultimately decided to go with Hip Hop Abs. 1) It was Hip Hop. 2) It was all focused about the abs which is where I'm most focused, too. 3) It was the cheapest video available. There are four workouts on the video plus a bonus learn to dance vid at the end. As it turns out, I didn't like the ab sculpt or the total body burn workouts. But the Fat burning cardio was da bomb! It was still focused on abs. But it was much more dance moves than the other workouts which were more just exercising with a little funk.
I did it a couple times by myself and just loved it. Wiyah wanted to join in because she has thoroughly enjoyed her Hip Hop dance class so she thought it would be great summer practice for her. I told the boys it was a lot of fun and asked if they wanted to join. At first they said no, but they watched anyway. I tell you this workout is irresistable! They couldn't stay sitting and so by the end of the workout, we were all up groovin'. It was so much fun. (Baboo refuses to even watch it because she "can't dance" and won't be any good at it.)
Also, Shaun T is the host/dance partner/instructor. He is so funny and fun to watch. I can't help but smile. And he has so much energy, but not in a cheesy way. But you just watch him get into it and you can't help but up your energy level and funk out harder.
So now every day, we all look forward to when Winkleberry takes a nap and we head down to the basement for some hip hop abs. Even Mack and Pinkleberry come sometimes and shake their thang.
Anyway, I was enjoying that so much, but I wanted something more. So I got back online and did more research and used the last little bit of my gift certificate to purchase Rockin' Body. Wiyah and I (the big boys were at scout camp) had just finished the Hip Hop Ab Fat burning cardio workout when we checked the mail. We were so excited to get it that we went ahead and popped it in.
The first workout is a 15 minute thing where Shaun T. shows you the basics for a lot of the moves. But don't let that 15 mintues fool you. It's a great workout. The next workout is Party Express, 25 minutes. It's a lot of fun. You get a great cardio workout while he teaches you some awesome hip hop moves. And they aren't just discrete moves, but you end up putting everything all together in complex dance routine. He starts with the basics and justs builds from there. It's easy enough that the kids are learning the moves.
But anyway, my point was that even after having just completed a workout, Wiyah and I did those first two workouts on Rockin' Body just because they were so much fun. We wanted to do the third one, but unfortunately were completely wiped out.
It's so fun. I find myself trying to do and remember the dance steps throughout the day. I usually do the workouts while the baby is napping. So I find myself, all day, watching her for signs of fatigue so I can get her down and we can go workout in the basement. This morning, I couldn't wait and got up earlier than usual so I could go down and do it. X came down and jumped right in with me. He says the Rockin Body workouts are much harder than Hip Hop Abs. I know I'm sweating much more.
Yesterday I did the 45 minute Dance Party and that was INTENSE and hard and FUN. So much fun. You know I've always loved dancing and it's been hard being married and LDS. I think most adults end up dancing at bars and clubs and we just don't go. Also, the Hubba does not like nor dance to the music I like to dance to. And so who do you dance with if not your husband. I've missed being able to dance. This is a great alternative outlet for me.
And I love that the kids love it and that we all do it together. It's so much fun. In fact, we took our family to BYU campus last week. X and I were standing outside the art museum and started doing the "Get Busy" and "the Freak" --just dancing together in front of the museum! And the time just flies by on these workouts. I wish I could do them all day.
I haven't done the Disco Groove yet. Maybe for this afternoon's workout...
24 June 2009
Overheard
After coming home from their hike with dad.
Baboo: Where are my bruvvers? I miss them!
Me: I don't know. I was just wondering the same thing actually. I thought everyone was in the family wrong, but X and Kelvinator aren't there.
Wiyah: The boys are downstairs re-enacting Harry Potter.
Baboo: Oh! What sweetlings!
Baboo: Where are my bruvvers? I miss them!
Me: I don't know. I was just wondering the same thing actually. I thought everyone was in the family wrong, but X and Kelvinator aren't there.
Wiyah: The boys are downstairs re-enacting Harry Potter.
Baboo: Oh! What sweetlings!
Francais!
So.
It's a long story and I wasn't going to go into the details. But most of the people who read my blog are LDS and they might just appreciate those details.
Several years ago there was a missionary who left our ward and travelled to Mauritius. While he was there he met a family (we'll call them the Johnson family)who had sent their daughter 9we'll call her Vanessa) to BYU. She was struggling and having a hard time. The missionary wrote his family and asked if they could help the girl out and let her live with them. They did. I think she lived with them for more than a year before they finally encouraged her to go live on campus with the other young people and take advantage of student life there. But she was always welcome to come back.
As it turns out, that was good advice. She met the guy she would marry. It's a perfect match. Culturally, she was having a difficult time in the states because in Mauritius, you don't date. And at BYU....well, there's some heavy dating going on. But the guy that she met is from Guinea and in his culture, there is also no dating. They understood and appreciated each other. And got engaged.
So the Johnsons are trying to do their part to help the girl plan her wedding. Her family lived all the way across the world and there was no way for them to come. Vanessa's finance has actually sought political asylum here in the US. Because he joined the church, he will be killed if he goes back home to his Muslim country. So he cannot leave the states. They have to get married here and her family cannot attend.
But sister Johnson got it into her head that Vanessa's family HAD to be there, not only to witness their daughter's temple marriage, but to claim those blessings for themselves and their own family. The nearest temple to them is too far and too expensive to travel to. So Sister Johnson started an email campaign among her friends and neighbors and missionaries who served in Mauritius and their families. Some of us, forwarded that email to those whom we knew and it kind of grew. They were able to raise a few thousand dollars that way.
But a few thousand dollars were not enough to bring the mom, dad, and younger sister all the way from Mauritius. Meanwhile, people found out what she was doing and would just randomly hand her checks for $100, $500, $20. But it still wasn't enough. So, Sister Johnson planned a carnival fundraiser on the last day of school. Kids could come and play and eat all for a cover charge. There were games and bouncing tents and everything a kid could possibly want at a carnival. And that night they had enough money to purchase the tickets. And they did.
While all of this was happening in the states, miracles were happening for the family in Mauritius. Even before they knew whether or not the money would be available for tickets, they went ahead and applied for a Visa. It was not likely that they would be granted visas. Most aren't. In fact, the family before them came out crying because they were denied. But the interviewer, who was not LDS, only asked them a few questions. 1. Are you going to Salt Lake City, UT? 2. Will you be attending the temple there? 3. Do you have your recommends? After answering yes to all those questions, he approved their visa application AND it's a 10 year visa--meaning they can come and go as often as they like and are able to for the next decade. That is unheard of.
Anyway, the family arrived here after 2 1/2 days of travel. The dad and daughter speak a little English. The Johnson family doesn't speak any French.
And so that's how it came to pass that my husband and I were introduced them. I met Mauritius mom at a Relief Society social last night. I did quite a bit of translating and just talking to her. Certainly no one else at the party was able to do that. I found that she mostly understood me and I mostly understood her. I got about 80% of everythign she said. Every once in a while I would have to ask her to repeat or clarify a word I didn't know. And every once in a while she would have to ask me to repeat. But mostly, it was just a regular old conversation. I was quite pleased with myself (actually, I was kind of on a high) to have so much French come back when I needed it. Still, everytime I had to speak I would get all hot and sweaty. So much so, in fact, that when it was time to leave and I said goodbye to her I suddenly noticed that the night was very chilly!
But the Hubba (and I had) been invited back to the Johnson home right after that to do a little temple prep class in French. And so then I got to meet Brother Mauritius, too. His accent was a little harder for me to follow. I probably only got 50% of what he was saying. And we stayed there for another two hours talking about the gospel and the temple and what a miracle it was for them to be here. With the Hubba there speaking his awesome French, it was harder for me to communicate. They were all speaking so quickly, it was hard for me to formulate my thoughts into words fast enough to keep up. I did participate a little bit. But I really loved just listening. I loved just listening to this beautiful language that I adore and feeling good about myself that I could still understand it. I loved listening to my hot husband speak this beautiful language that I adore and it reminded me of when he spoke it all the time right after his mission and I was falling in love with him. I loved listening to these humble people express their gratitude for all that their friends, The Johnsons, had done for them and for their daughters and hearing their sweet testimonies of the gospel and Jesus Christ and of sacrificing for God.
It was one of the best evenings I've spent in a while. And we get to go back tomorrow and the next day for two more temple prep classes. And the family will be here for 5 1/2 more weeks and I am hoping for more opportunities to translate (like in church), to speak French, and to hear more of their ideas and love for God.
It's a long story and I wasn't going to go into the details. But most of the people who read my blog are LDS and they might just appreciate those details.
Several years ago there was a missionary who left our ward and travelled to Mauritius. While he was there he met a family (we'll call them the Johnson family)who had sent their daughter 9we'll call her Vanessa) to BYU. She was struggling and having a hard time. The missionary wrote his family and asked if they could help the girl out and let her live with them. They did. I think she lived with them for more than a year before they finally encouraged her to go live on campus with the other young people and take advantage of student life there. But she was always welcome to come back.
As it turns out, that was good advice. She met the guy she would marry. It's a perfect match. Culturally, she was having a difficult time in the states because in Mauritius, you don't date. And at BYU....well, there's some heavy dating going on. But the guy that she met is from Guinea and in his culture, there is also no dating. They understood and appreciated each other. And got engaged.
So the Johnsons are trying to do their part to help the girl plan her wedding. Her family lived all the way across the world and there was no way for them to come. Vanessa's finance has actually sought political asylum here in the US. Because he joined the church, he will be killed if he goes back home to his Muslim country. So he cannot leave the states. They have to get married here and her family cannot attend.
But sister Johnson got it into her head that Vanessa's family HAD to be there, not only to witness their daughter's temple marriage, but to claim those blessings for themselves and their own family. The nearest temple to them is too far and too expensive to travel to. So Sister Johnson started an email campaign among her friends and neighbors and missionaries who served in Mauritius and their families. Some of us, forwarded that email to those whom we knew and it kind of grew. They were able to raise a few thousand dollars that way.
But a few thousand dollars were not enough to bring the mom, dad, and younger sister all the way from Mauritius. Meanwhile, people found out what she was doing and would just randomly hand her checks for $100, $500, $20. But it still wasn't enough. So, Sister Johnson planned a carnival fundraiser on the last day of school. Kids could come and play and eat all for a cover charge. There were games and bouncing tents and everything a kid could possibly want at a carnival. And that night they had enough money to purchase the tickets. And they did.
While all of this was happening in the states, miracles were happening for the family in Mauritius. Even before they knew whether or not the money would be available for tickets, they went ahead and applied for a Visa. It was not likely that they would be granted visas. Most aren't. In fact, the family before them came out crying because they were denied. But the interviewer, who was not LDS, only asked them a few questions. 1. Are you going to Salt Lake City, UT? 2. Will you be attending the temple there? 3. Do you have your recommends? After answering yes to all those questions, he approved their visa application AND it's a 10 year visa--meaning they can come and go as often as they like and are able to for the next decade. That is unheard of.
Anyway, the family arrived here after 2 1/2 days of travel. The dad and daughter speak a little English. The Johnson family doesn't speak any French.
And so that's how it came to pass that my husband and I were introduced them. I met Mauritius mom at a Relief Society social last night. I did quite a bit of translating and just talking to her. Certainly no one else at the party was able to do that. I found that she mostly understood me and I mostly understood her. I got about 80% of everythign she said. Every once in a while I would have to ask her to repeat or clarify a word I didn't know. And every once in a while she would have to ask me to repeat. But mostly, it was just a regular old conversation. I was quite pleased with myself (actually, I was kind of on a high) to have so much French come back when I needed it. Still, everytime I had to speak I would get all hot and sweaty. So much so, in fact, that when it was time to leave and I said goodbye to her I suddenly noticed that the night was very chilly!
But the Hubba (and I had) been invited back to the Johnson home right after that to do a little temple prep class in French. And so then I got to meet Brother Mauritius, too. His accent was a little harder for me to follow. I probably only got 50% of what he was saying. And we stayed there for another two hours talking about the gospel and the temple and what a miracle it was for them to be here. With the Hubba there speaking his awesome French, it was harder for me to communicate. They were all speaking so quickly, it was hard for me to formulate my thoughts into words fast enough to keep up. I did participate a little bit. But I really loved just listening. I loved just listening to this beautiful language that I adore and feeling good about myself that I could still understand it. I loved listening to my hot husband speak this beautiful language that I adore and it reminded me of when he spoke it all the time right after his mission and I was falling in love with him. I loved listening to these humble people express their gratitude for all that their friends, The Johnsons, had done for them and for their daughters and hearing their sweet testimonies of the gospel and Jesus Christ and of sacrificing for God.
It was one of the best evenings I've spent in a while. And we get to go back tomorrow and the next day for two more temple prep classes. And the family will be here for 5 1/2 more weeks and I am hoping for more opportunities to translate (like in church), to speak French, and to hear more of their ideas and love for God.
Srange Numbers
I suppose I had better get used to the fact that my big kids are old enough to be leaving home quite frequently and in just a few years may be leaving home for good. But I'm not right now. Not used to it at all.
Today, Baboo and Wiyah are out on a morning hike with the Hubba. JJ is out of town for the week at scout camp. X is eating breakfast. Kelvinator, Mack, and Pinkleberry are watching Diego on the computer and Winkleberry is asleep. It's quiet a quiet, peaceful, laid back kind of morning.
Today, Baboo and Wiyah are out on a morning hike with the Hubba. JJ is out of town for the week at scout camp. X is eating breakfast. Kelvinator, Mack, and Pinkleberry are watching Diego on the computer and Winkleberry is asleep. It's quiet a quiet, peaceful, laid back kind of morning.
23 June 2009
Mack's Father's Day card
He made the Hubba a card. He drew a sweet little picture of himself on one side of the card and a picture of the Hubba on the other side. But the outside of the card was blank. So I said, "Tell me your favorite things about Dad." And I wrote them down on the front of the card. This is what he said:
My favorite things about dad are telling me stories, singing songs, beating me up, doing silly things at the dinner table. He always tucks me in bed and he makes me fall asleep. He helps me remember the letters.
My favorite things about dad are telling me stories, singing songs, beating me up, doing silly things at the dinner table. He always tucks me in bed and he makes me fall asleep. He helps me remember the letters.
Overheard
Wiyah: Mom, what was that word Mack used the other day that meant "nasty?"
Me: Fyooadid.
Wiyah. Oh yeah. Mack, what does fyooadid mean?
Mack: [silence]
Wiyah: Does it mean "nasty?"
Mack: [clear as a bell] No. It means "contractive."
Me: Fyooadid.
Wiyah. Oh yeah. Mack, what does fyooadid mean?
Mack: [silence]
Wiyah: Does it mean "nasty?"
Mack: [clear as a bell] No. It means "contractive."
21 June 2009
Overheard
Mack: Can I have some more breakfast?
Me: Yeah. You want another muffin?
Mack: No, cereal.
Me: But we didn't have cereal for breakfast. We had muffins.
Mack: But I want cereal.
Me: Well, no cereal. But you can have another muffin.
Mack: I don't want a muffin. They were fyooadid.
Me: They were feuded?
Mack: No. The muffins were fyooadid.
Me: Well I don't know what fyooadid means.
Mack: It means nasty*.
*When JJ took a bite of the muffins for breakfast, he groaned with delight and sheer ecstasy. And Baboo said they were the best blueberry bran muffins I've ever made. And now that everyone heard me tell Mack he could have some, they are all raiding the muffins. Just so's ya know that the muffins weren't REALLY nasty.
Me: Yeah. You want another muffin?
Mack: No, cereal.
Me: But we didn't have cereal for breakfast. We had muffins.
Mack: But I want cereal.
Me: Well, no cereal. But you can have another muffin.
Mack: I don't want a muffin. They were fyooadid.
Me: They were feuded?
Mack: No. The muffins were fyooadid.
Me: Well I don't know what fyooadid means.
Mack: It means nasty*.
*When JJ took a bite of the muffins for breakfast, he groaned with delight and sheer ecstasy. And Baboo said they were the best blueberry bran muffins I've ever made. And now that everyone heard me tell Mack he could have some, they are all raiding the muffins. Just so's ya know that the muffins weren't REALLY nasty.
20 June 2009
Overheard
After helping JJ pack for his first time at scout camp.
The Hubba: Our kids are growing up, hon. Just some turbulent teenage years away from marriage.
The Hubba: Our kids are growing up, hon. Just some turbulent teenage years away from marriage.
19 June 2009
Then I Met You, chapitre vingt-sept
13 April 1992
Well let's get to the good stuff--Hubba. We;ve been getting along really well lately. Except this one fight we got in. It was stupid and it was my fault. We made up that night. A couple of weeks ago he finally told me about what happened between him and the girl from Salt Lake when she was here that week. Everything was finally all cleared up. We had a deep talk about our relationship. He feels like he should still be dating other girls. There is no way I'm going to stand in his path and pressure him into staying with me. So I told him that he should try it then. Well the next day he decided that he didn't want to go out with anybody but me. I was VERY happy!
So since then I've been to his house with his whole family there to see his little sister, Eloise's, violin recital. She's good. She's incredible for a ten-year old! I felt kind of uncomfortable. I mean Little Mama and Eloise (Hubba's two younger sisters) were so excited to see Hubba's sister-in-law. And Hubba and his brother were playing with Tro (Hubba's younger brother). I felt left out and out of place. But I was glad to meet everybody finally. I should be more at ease with them the next time I'm around them. As it turns out, Hubba says that Little Mama really likes me. That surprised me because we didn't even have eye-contact let alone talk to each other. But it makes me happy none-the-less.
I talked to Bro. Norman about my relationship with Hubba a little bit because he's the Courtship and Marriage Teacher. Sometimes I get frustrated because our relationship isn't moving ahead anymore. The only way it could is if we were to get married. But Hubba doesn't want to get married for 5 years. And not necessarily to me. I guess this is kind of a sore spot for me even though it shouldn't be. I just want to know if this relationship is going to be worth all the effort I'm putting into this. Bro. Norman says that nothing will probably happen before Hubba leaves for teh summer. I agree with him. I'm hoping that a few months away from me will make him need me more. Bro. Norman says to give him a little while after the new semester starts to get used to school, find a major, settle in. Then if he hasn't proposed to me by October or November I should really consider getting out of the relationship and move onto another one that will culminate in a Celestial Marriage.
Well let's get to the good stuff--Hubba. We;ve been getting along really well lately. Except this one fight we got in. It was stupid and it was my fault. We made up that night. A couple of weeks ago he finally told me about what happened between him and the girl from Salt Lake when she was here that week. Everything was finally all cleared up. We had a deep talk about our relationship. He feels like he should still be dating other girls. There is no way I'm going to stand in his path and pressure him into staying with me. So I told him that he should try it then. Well the next day he decided that he didn't want to go out with anybody but me. I was VERY happy!
So since then I've been to his house with his whole family there to see his little sister, Eloise's, violin recital. She's good. She's incredible for a ten-year old! I felt kind of uncomfortable. I mean Little Mama and Eloise (Hubba's two younger sisters) were so excited to see Hubba's sister-in-law. And Hubba and his brother were playing with Tro (Hubba's younger brother). I felt left out and out of place. But I was glad to meet everybody finally. I should be more at ease with them the next time I'm around them. As it turns out, Hubba says that Little Mama really likes me. That surprised me because we didn't even have eye-contact let alone talk to each other. But it makes me happy none-the-less.
I talked to Bro. Norman about my relationship with Hubba a little bit because he's the Courtship and Marriage Teacher. Sometimes I get frustrated because our relationship isn't moving ahead anymore. The only way it could is if we were to get married. But Hubba doesn't want to get married for 5 years. And not necessarily to me. I guess this is kind of a sore spot for me even though it shouldn't be. I just want to know if this relationship is going to be worth all the effort I'm putting into this. Bro. Norman says that nothing will probably happen before Hubba leaves for teh summer. I agree with him. I'm hoping that a few months away from me will make him need me more. Bro. Norman says to give him a little while after the new semester starts to get used to school, find a major, settle in. Then if he hasn't proposed to me by October or November I should really consider getting out of the relationship and move onto another one that will culminate in a Celestial Marriage.
18 June 2009
His Story, chapitre quatorze
It's hard for me to match my memories to the non-events written in these entries. Real mentions a couple temple trips--I don't have much memory of those, other than meeting her mom, which I already talked about.
I do remember Bro. Salmond asking me to be a chaperone. It was pretty surprising since I didn't really know him and he didn't know me, and I thought, "What type of chaperone is the boyfriend of one of the people being chaperoned?" It was funny, but I jumped at the chance. It sounded like fun. I had never been a part of Chorale and it was nice to see Real perform so many times over and over. I loved sitting in the audience watching her do the Supremes and other performances. It was a very sweet time.
The tour traveled through heavily LDS communities in Eastern Arizona. We had a big bus and went from town to town, hosted by local families. I got to know quite a few of the Chorale folks that I otherwise wouldn't have gotten to know--and had many friends in it as well.
I remember once we were hosted by the same family. Dale, the other chaperone, and I were rooming at one end of the house, and Real and three other girls were rooming at the other. I hung out with the four girls until pretty late talking. One was engaged, so it was largely about marriage. It was interesting. I don't think I really like hanging out with girls, though. It was very girly. But it gave me a chance to at least spend time with Real on a trip where we spent very little time together.
As for feeling like I simply filled a niche for her, that anyone would do, I still don't really know--I'm not even sure it's an answerable concern. So it's probably not relevant. As for holding me up on a pedestal--I think I feel that way now. Either she finds me all right all the time, or all wrong. I'm never in the middle. I'm either the greatest person or a big idiot. In reality, I'm neither.
I think this brings us to the qualitative elements of our relationship. Real's journal is full of references, given in almost despair or abject confusion, about how we could disagree so much. I don't think I ever really saw it that way. I mean, I certainly recall some major disagreements, don't get me wrong. We're both kind of strong-willed people, so you expect that to a degree. But I don't think I really saw it as this outrageously contentious relationship. I think overall we got along quite well. I think there was more drama than the disagreements warranted, though. In other words, if we hadn't fretted over the disagreements, I don't think the disagreements themselves were very big deals. I think I had a kind of hands on, irritating tendency, where I wanted her to be happy always, and created tension by always probing and prodding into her moods. And, on her part, I think Real felt like things were terrible and awful if we didn't see eye to eye.
One small example that I won't get into deeply that illustrates the point: evolution. I was really impatient with the attitude of people who thought evolution was somehow at odds with LDS beliefs. And Real thought it pretty outrageous that someone would seriously entertain evolutionary theory. I would be busy preaching my ideas about how the ideas could be synthesized and how a dogmatic position wasn't justifiable and she would be busy telling me that I was--how should I say it?--wrong. While I think the mature approach would be to tolerate each other's position, instead we both came to loggerheads. Then the inevitable discussion of "If we disagree so strongly, how can we possibly be right for each other" would come up. The thought makes me groan--what a silly constant theme between us. So I'm gratified to read in this time period that there was an acknowledgment that our differences were good. It didn't mean our behavior followed suit, but it was a good start.
Incidentally, this is where I point out that I was 21 at this point and Real was 19. Were we immature? Sure. But, my goodness, we were just kids!!
I do remember Bro. Salmond asking me to be a chaperone. It was pretty surprising since I didn't really know him and he didn't know me, and I thought, "What type of chaperone is the boyfriend of one of the people being chaperoned?" It was funny, but I jumped at the chance. It sounded like fun. I had never been a part of Chorale and it was nice to see Real perform so many times over and over. I loved sitting in the audience watching her do the Supremes and other performances. It was a very sweet time.
The tour traveled through heavily LDS communities in Eastern Arizona. We had a big bus and went from town to town, hosted by local families. I got to know quite a few of the Chorale folks that I otherwise wouldn't have gotten to know--and had many friends in it as well.
I remember once we were hosted by the same family. Dale, the other chaperone, and I were rooming at one end of the house, and Real and three other girls were rooming at the other. I hung out with the four girls until pretty late talking. One was engaged, so it was largely about marriage. It was interesting. I don't think I really like hanging out with girls, though. It was very girly. But it gave me a chance to at least spend time with Real on a trip where we spent very little time together.
As for feeling like I simply filled a niche for her, that anyone would do, I still don't really know--I'm not even sure it's an answerable concern. So it's probably not relevant. As for holding me up on a pedestal--I think I feel that way now. Either she finds me all right all the time, or all wrong. I'm never in the middle. I'm either the greatest person or a big idiot. In reality, I'm neither.
I think this brings us to the qualitative elements of our relationship. Real's journal is full of references, given in almost despair or abject confusion, about how we could disagree so much. I don't think I ever really saw it that way. I mean, I certainly recall some major disagreements, don't get me wrong. We're both kind of strong-willed people, so you expect that to a degree. But I don't think I really saw it as this outrageously contentious relationship. I think overall we got along quite well. I think there was more drama than the disagreements warranted, though. In other words, if we hadn't fretted over the disagreements, I don't think the disagreements themselves were very big deals. I think I had a kind of hands on, irritating tendency, where I wanted her to be happy always, and created tension by always probing and prodding into her moods. And, on her part, I think Real felt like things were terrible and awful if we didn't see eye to eye.
One small example that I won't get into deeply that illustrates the point: evolution. I was really impatient with the attitude of people who thought evolution was somehow at odds with LDS beliefs. And Real thought it pretty outrageous that someone would seriously entertain evolutionary theory. I would be busy preaching my ideas about how the ideas could be synthesized and how a dogmatic position wasn't justifiable and she would be busy telling me that I was--how should I say it?--wrong. While I think the mature approach would be to tolerate each other's position, instead we both came to loggerheads. Then the inevitable discussion of "If we disagree so strongly, how can we possibly be right for each other" would come up. The thought makes me groan--what a silly constant theme between us. So I'm gratified to read in this time period that there was an acknowledgment that our differences were good. It didn't mean our behavior followed suit, but it was a good start.
Incidentally, this is where I point out that I was 21 at this point and Real was 19. Were we immature? Sure. But, my goodness, we were just kids!!
Then I Met You, chapitre vingt-six
18 March 1992
Today Hubba told me that the girl from Salt Lake is coming into town tomorrow night. That's not really bad because we're leaving for tour tomorrow morning. But she'll be in town for the WSHOLE NEXT WEEK. I don't think I'm a very jealous person but this is really getting to me. It's not that I think Hubba will kiss her again. In fact, I KNOW he won't. But I worry that he won't tell her anything but just avoid the issue or put it off until another time. And in the meantime, I'm sure their mutual friends will be trying to hook them up.
Hubba is going out w/his friends tonight. That's cool. I will miss him, but I know he needs to hang with the guys sometimes. I just wish I could go out with the girls at the same time. I think Hubba is starting to go stir-crazy.
19 March 1992
Yesterday was kind of cool. Hubba came over for a couple hours before he went out w/his friends. We had another "where-is-our-relationship-heading" talks. He seems to be as serious as I am but he just wants to be SURE.
Today was the first day of tour. I'm torn having Hubba as a chaperone. I mean I want to spend 100% of my time with him. But I also know that I shouldn't do that. So I space myself from him for a while. But then I feel bad because I can go off and be with a lot of other people but he doesn't know that many people.
20 March 1992
The day started off ok. I couldn't wait to see Hubba. We added an extra mini-perfomance at Willcox High School this morning. My voice is thrashed.
Today Hubba told me that the girl from Salt Lake is coming into town tomorrow night. That's not really bad because we're leaving for tour tomorrow morning. But she'll be in town for the WSHOLE NEXT WEEK. I don't think I'm a very jealous person but this is really getting to me. It's not that I think Hubba will kiss her again. In fact, I KNOW he won't. But I worry that he won't tell her anything but just avoid the issue or put it off until another time. And in the meantime, I'm sure their mutual friends will be trying to hook them up.
Hubba is going out w/his friends tonight. That's cool. I will miss him, but I know he needs to hang with the guys sometimes. I just wish I could go out with the girls at the same time. I think Hubba is starting to go stir-crazy.
19 March 1992
Yesterday was kind of cool. Hubba came over for a couple hours before he went out w/his friends. We had another "where-is-our-relationship-heading" talks. He seems to be as serious as I am but he just wants to be SURE.
Today was the first day of tour. I'm torn having Hubba as a chaperone. I mean I want to spend 100% of my time with him. But I also know that I shouldn't do that. So I space myself from him for a while. But then I feel bad because I can go off and be with a lot of other people but he doesn't know that many people.
20 March 1992
The day started off ok. I couldn't wait to see Hubba. We added an extra mini-perfomance at Willcox High School this morning. My voice is thrashed.
Then things kind of went bad. I've been keeping my journal in my pillowcase. And I was playing around asking people if I could hit them with mypillow--then I'd hit them with the journal. I did it to Mason. Hubba told him not to let me get away with that and that I should be punished. I looked at Hubba to "argue" with him about whether or not I should b epunished. Then Mason turned my head and was faking to kiss me. Hubba pushed him away and said "I don't think so." He was really upset that I didn't pull away.
The thing is--he's absolutely right. We're both sensitive and we both know it. I shouldn't play around about kissing other guys. It really hurt him. He doesn't trust me anymore. If I was in his position I would feel the exact same way. So I apologized but what good does it really do? Things just can't go back to teh way they were. It's goig to take a while for me to regain his trust. I should be more mature than that.
21 March 1992
When I was setting up tonight a strange thing happened to me. Eric accidentally hit me in the eye w/a mike stand. It didn't even hurt that much at all but I started crying anyway. There was a lot more behind that cry but I'm not sure what. Hubba was comforting me. It felt so good. But somehow we got started talking about our relationship. He said one of his biggest doubts is the fact that he thinks I just need somebody and he'll do. That really hurts that he thinks I don't love the person he is. How can I convince him? What can I possibly do?
This show was by far our best. I even did my solo well, too. Afterwards Hubba and I were talking and saying goodbye for the evening. I told him to remember me in his prayers. He said of course he would because he had some serious things to figure out...So that's cool.
New 'Do
I have never had good hair. Some parts are really kinky and tight, other spots have looser curls, and some places are just frizzy or even almost straight. It's kind of hard to deal with it. But ALL of it is weak, fine and thin. My aunt and my grandmother both wore wigs because of the same problems with their hair. The longest I've ever been able to grow my hair is shoulder length, and even then it's just bad. Mostly I just deal with it and move on. What can you do?
But about a year ago, I noticed that my hair started falling out. Well, I didn't notice it was falling out, I just noticed I was balding in certain spots. ugh. Not all my hair would reach back into a pony tail anymore. The cute style I used to do looked scraggly and bedraggled. It was ugly. I felt awful.
I talked to the Hubba about getting it cut but knowing that I wanted it it to grow back out, he didn't see the point of cutting it. I didn't talk to him about it anymore, but my hair was driving me crazy. I was left with the hair that had grown on the top of my head being relatively long. But that's actually a very small amount of hair and after you part it and spread it out over your whole head, you kind of look like an idiot. The underneath hair was all shorter by about three inches. It looked like crap. I couldn't style it. I couldn't even put it in a pony tail!
I decided to take action. I called up a friend of mine who had clippers and asked her to buzz the back for me and then trim it all up short. It was a style I had sported back when I was 17. She reluctantly agreed. She was talking to a friend of hers who does hair about what exactly she should do and how to do it because she was a little nervous. But her friend offered to help me out herself.
So unbeknownst to my husband or kids, I escaped the house one afternoon mumbling something about "going to Jessica's house." And then we chopped off my hair. As i was sitting in the chair, I asked the friend why my hair would just suddenly go AWOL. She listed a bunch of reasons. One of them was anti-coagulants. Ding! Ding! Ding! Blood thinners can make your hair fall out.
The Hubba was surprised to see it, but not necessarily in a bad way. Still, I know he prefers longer hair and as such, doesn't like this haircut very much. I prefer it longer, too. But I have to admit that I prefer short hair with a STYLE to the raggedy mess of hair I had three days ago. Still, I can't wait for it to grow out again. Chin length would be good.
17 June 2009
Things that do not make me feel good. Or, how to make a mom cry.
Kelvinator: Mom, can I see your belly? I want to see how flat it is? It should be like this. [presses in on it]. You're kind of a fat mom.
Sigh...
Sigh...
Then I Met You, chapitre vingt-cinq
7 March 1992We're at the Temple again today. Lucinda is going through the temple for the first time for her endowments. She asked Hubba to go through with her. I felt (I still do actually) kind of left out because they can go through and I can't. I wish I could go through the Temple with Hubba. But I guess it's for the best that I can't because I only want to go through with my husband. I think it would take away from the sacredness of the temple if I like went on a a "date" with my boyfriend through the Temple.
Brother Salmond talked to Hubba yesterday and asked him to be a chaperon on the chorale tour. Thank you, Bro. Salmond! I'm so psyched that Hubba will be there. But I'm a little wary, too. I mean he's going to be a CHAPERON! Exactly what does that entail? Dale Oldham will be chaperoning, too. Cindy and I are going to have a blast.
17 March 1992
I used to think that the differences between me and Hubba weren't important. But now I see that the differences are the most important things in our relationship. They add spice and variety. I heard a quote once that says, "If two people in a relationship agree on everything all the time, one of them is not necessary."
About a week ago I dreamt that Hubba and I were going through the temple. I wasn't actually getting my endowments or getting married but I was just going through to see what it was like...kind of weird, eh?
I still love Hubba. We've been "official" for two whole months although it seems longer. Sometimes he tells me he loves me and I don't think there will ever be a problem I can't face. And when he's with me I feel so safe and secure. We still have a lot of misunderstandings. Not as much as we used to though. I try a lot harder not to be so sensitive and I think he's more careful of the things he says to me when he's teasing. What I like best is that we always talk about it. I think that makes us much stornger than if we never had disagreements.
I don't know what's going to happen to us. I want him to be the father of my children. I want him to take me through the Temple and help me know my Savior. I want to be with him forever. He's my best friend. I love talking to him and being with him. I like to watch him with children or cheer up his friends. He helps me understand the scriptures and I don't even mind much when he chastises me because he's usually right and he does it so that I still know he loves me. My greatest joy, though, comes from doing things for him. I make myself so happy when I leave little notes for him on his car or when I get to cook him a meal. Sometimes I'll buy him a stupid little thing, and he smiles the most gorgeous smile in the whole world...And I know I'll do anything to have him look at me like that again.
Sometimes when I tell him stuff like that he thinks I'm just disillusioned and I have him up on a pedestal. That's not true. He can be really blunt and it can hurt. He's extremely criticial of himself and others. And he's really impatient, too. I see all that.
But the other good qualities that he posesses are so much more good than the bad ones are bad. I don't expect him to be perfect now. But I can deal with his faults realizing that one day he will be.
Friday night I kind of spontaneously decided to buy a VCR. It was cool. I got it for like $90 which is about 1/2 the going price. As we were talking to the saleslady about how to hook it up, she was addressing us as if we were married. And you know I loved it. People at the "Tute are starting to talk about us getting married, too. If he'd ask me to marry him, I would have said yes even a month ago. I've prayed about it a lot. Moroni hasn't appeared to me yet but it feels SO right. I truly feel like 1/2 of me would be missing w/out him. Every time I see him, I love him more deeply. Friday night he told me that the only way he could stop loving me was if God told him to. So what's the deal? I want him to pray about it and if God doesn't tell him to stop loving me then heck--let's get married. But I can't tell him any of this because I don't want to pressure him.
Overheard
After a diaper change.
Me: Nobody wants to see your naked body.
Pink: Yes! Winkleberry wants to see my naked bum-bum!
Me: Nobody wants to see your naked body.
Pink: Yes! Winkleberry wants to see my naked bum-bum!
16 June 2009
Re-apple
It's that time of year again. Well, actually, I'm several weeks late. But I'm hoping that the rain, hail, cold weather and soggy ground that prevented me from going out to bag the apples also prevented the coddling moths from laying their eggs. We'll see I guess.
Last year, I bagged the apples myself. This year, I enlisted the help of the kiddos. Last year, I bagged about 27 apples. This year, we bagged about 100.
Last year, I communed with the apple tree. This year I had a lot of fun working with the kids and teaching them what little I have learned over the past two years about apple trees.
Every hard little green fruit was precious to me and I hope they do well. Also, it looks like I'll have to do some research because my sweet little apple tree has a problem. Something is very wrong with many of the leaves. More experience for me = more wisdom later.His Story, chapitre treize
Real asks, I answer
Question: Do you have anything to say about my basketball game where I showed I loved you?
I remember that night very well. I coyly conned Real into showing her love for me through athletic feats. She was downright dominant. I mean, I think her team scored around 36 points--she had nearly half of them! She also played against our future ward after we got married--and they were mad and frustrated. She probably had more rebounds than every other player combined. It was a stunning exhibition. A lot of fun. (Interesting note--I think I saw Janalee's husband on the stage at some point that evening, watching games.)
It was fun. I don't know if her journal entries show enough of how UNserious we were most of the time. It makes it sound like this was a dramatic romantic moment! But, in reality, I challenged her and she went nuts on the court while I tracked her stats. It was fun and we had a great time. I don't remember her ex-boyfriend coming. And, incidentally, Real's periodic mention that I wanted to get to know her ex seems somewhere between odd and outrageous now. Fun stuff.
Question: What did your family think about the little time you were spending at home?
Well, I never lived home after my mission, so I don't think my parents or younger siblings thought anything. But I lived with my brother and sister-in-law and I think they probably thought I was a terrible roommate. I came home to sleep that semester and was there Sundays, but other than that, I didn't really hang out much with them. I regret what a poor roommate I was--they were great to live with. I think overall though that they were quite forgiving and figured I was doing what any young single college kid did--I was out spending time with people.
Question: Bam! We just had a car accident. What were you thinking about?
I remember the accident unfolding. A long line of cars had just accelerated from a red light, when suddenly it stopped. I braked really hard and almost hit the car in front of me. The first thing I did was look in the rearview mirror and I saw it coming. I saw how the driver behind me noticed I was stopped, the look of surprise, and my realization that impact was certain. It totaled my car. It totaled the care in front of us. It hit the car in front of it. And the car that hit me was a disaster--much worse than mine.
First thing I thought was, "Is Real ok?" It was violent! She was rattled and had a sore neck. The next thought was to take in my surroundings. We quickly got into the Fry's parking lot and waited for the cops.
I think it made me realize that I really cared for her. She got pretty bad whiplash. She handled it perfectly. I didn't care about my car, but I really cared about her, not just as I would about a stranger, but about someone who was close to me. It was an experience that ultimately drew us closer.
Question: Shortly after that, we had two temple trips right near each other. Was that weird having me wait outside for you?
No. I don't think so. I think it was nice. Heck, at that point, we were spending all of our free time together. It was natural to have you there--you were not just my girlfriend, but we were getting pretty serious, our friends were starting to tie the knot, everyone at the Institute thought we were going to get engaged, we were talking (albeit very prospectively) about marriage. It seemed natural. It also enabled me to meet your mom and get to know her a bit. I think it was nice. I don't have much more concrete memories than that--it's a bit foggy. That whole time period is hard to keep straight--I keep having anachronistic memories, all jumbled in together.
Question: What were your impressions of my mom, whom you met for the first time at that first temple trip?
Her mom completely charmed me. She was open, unself-conscious, friendly, interesting. I really had a good time. We spent many hours talking about a lot of different subjects. I do remember thinking at some point that maybe she didn't like me too much, but she was still friendly and interesting. Real was concerned about my impression of her and I remember thinking that was silly at the time.
Question: Do you have anything to say about my basketball game where I showed I loved you?
I remember that night very well. I coyly conned Real into showing her love for me through athletic feats. She was downright dominant. I mean, I think her team scored around 36 points--she had nearly half of them! She also played against our future ward after we got married--and they were mad and frustrated. She probably had more rebounds than every other player combined. It was a stunning exhibition. A lot of fun. (Interesting note--I think I saw Janalee's husband on the stage at some point that evening, watching games.)
It was fun. I don't know if her journal entries show enough of how UNserious we were most of the time. It makes it sound like this was a dramatic romantic moment! But, in reality, I challenged her and she went nuts on the court while I tracked her stats. It was fun and we had a great time. I don't remember her ex-boyfriend coming. And, incidentally, Real's periodic mention that I wanted to get to know her ex seems somewhere between odd and outrageous now. Fun stuff.
Question: What did your family think about the little time you were spending at home?
Well, I never lived home after my mission, so I don't think my parents or younger siblings thought anything. But I lived with my brother and sister-in-law and I think they probably thought I was a terrible roommate. I came home to sleep that semester and was there Sundays, but other than that, I didn't really hang out much with them. I regret what a poor roommate I was--they were great to live with. I think overall though that they were quite forgiving and figured I was doing what any young single college kid did--I was out spending time with people.
Question: Bam! We just had a car accident. What were you thinking about?
I remember the accident unfolding. A long line of cars had just accelerated from a red light, when suddenly it stopped. I braked really hard and almost hit the car in front of me. The first thing I did was look in the rearview mirror and I saw it coming. I saw how the driver behind me noticed I was stopped, the look of surprise, and my realization that impact was certain. It totaled my car. It totaled the care in front of us. It hit the car in front of it. And the car that hit me was a disaster--much worse than mine.
First thing I thought was, "Is Real ok?" It was violent! She was rattled and had a sore neck. The next thought was to take in my surroundings. We quickly got into the Fry's parking lot and waited for the cops.
I think it made me realize that I really cared for her. She got pretty bad whiplash. She handled it perfectly. I didn't care about my car, but I really cared about her, not just as I would about a stranger, but about someone who was close to me. It was an experience that ultimately drew us closer.
Question: Shortly after that, we had two temple trips right near each other. Was that weird having me wait outside for you?
No. I don't think so. I think it was nice. Heck, at that point, we were spending all of our free time together. It was natural to have you there--you were not just my girlfriend, but we were getting pretty serious, our friends were starting to tie the knot, everyone at the Institute thought we were going to get engaged, we were talking (albeit very prospectively) about marriage. It seemed natural. It also enabled me to meet your mom and get to know her a bit. I think it was nice. I don't have much more concrete memories than that--it's a bit foggy. That whole time period is hard to keep straight--I keep having anachronistic memories, all jumbled in together.
Question: What were your impressions of my mom, whom you met for the first time at that first temple trip?
Her mom completely charmed me. She was open, unself-conscious, friendly, interesting. I really had a good time. We spent many hours talking about a lot of different subjects. I do remember thinking at some point that maybe she didn't like me too much, but she was still friendly and interesting. Real was concerned about my impression of her and I remember thinking that was silly at the time.
Then I Met You, chapitre vingt-quatre
22 February 1992
Monday night Hubba and I had a very serious talk. We discussed our relationship and our relationships with other people. I told him about all the guys I had dated up through Doug. He told me that he still hasn't actually told Bridget he has a girlfriend now and there's a girl in Salt Lake. While he was there over Christmas he kissed her. He felt like he had betrayed me. I didn't feel betrayed because we really didn't have a commitment. But I did feel hurt because he didn't feel as strongly for me as I did for him. But how could I possibly complain when he's been so faithful to me since he decided how much he needs me.
We talked about how we wanted to be together forever but we needed to work at getting a confirmation from the Lord.
Wednesday morning Hubba prayed to know if the relationship was worth pursuing or not.. If it was worth pursuing then he wanted to know for sure how I felt about him. (I didn't find out about his prayer until later, though.) So Wednesday I was so affectionate and told him how much I loved him and neeed him. Then we went to my basketball game. We had a standing joke about how if I really loved him I would score 15 pts. But I had never been able to do it.
Let me tell you, that game was the best I've ever played. I scored 10pts in the first half. Then I scored my 16th point right at the buzzer. 16 points and I had proven how much I loved him. I also had 18 rebounds, 9 steals, 4 blocked shots and one assist. I wish that my high school coaches could have seen me! Oh! Hubba was so proud of me. I don't think anyone has ever been so proud of me. He kept talking about how well I played and kissing me. I was happy. And I'm still sore today.
We had decided to go to the templeFriday night and he would go through and do a session. But some things came up and our plans changed so we're going to the temple next week. I love him so much.
1 March 1992
Wednesday afternoon Hubba and I got into a car accident. It was pretty bad. We came to a stop but the car behind us didn't. So she hit us and we hit the next car and they hit the next car. The fault belongs to the car that hit us so her insurance should pay for everything. But Hubba's poor car. It's so sad. The whole back of his car is totally messed up. I hurt my neck pretty bad. So Hubba's parents came over to give me a neck brace. What a way to meet his mom and dad! They're really nice people. I can see where Hubba gets his sarcasm and sense of humor from--both of his parents.
So anyway we were going to get my neck checked out but...I don't have any insurance. I don't even have a doctor, we didn't know where to go nor did we have the time. But Thursday afternoon Hubba and Dale gave me a blessing. Dale annointed me and Hubba said that there would be no permanent damage and that the pain would go away in time.
My neck feels fine now. And it was so worth it to be in the accident with him. I know it sounds silly but it's true. I got to see him in a very stressful situation and he handled it beautifully. He was so calm. He was very concerned about me, too. And after the police came and went we prayed together and thanked God for our safety. Hubba even prayed for the driver who hit us.
Well, Friday we went to the Temple together. The ride down was cool. We talked about a lot of different things. Then when we finally got to the Temple we were running a little late. But it was so important for me that he go through that evening. I kind of rushed him, I think. While he was inside, I watched a movie in the Visitor's Center. I was going to do baptisms for the dead. I even had a recommend but they were too full. After the movie, I read my scriptures and prayed for a while. I walked around the grounds and then I took a "gardents tour" led by these two Seniors in high school. It was cute. They were nervous and seemed more like t.v. evangelists than young mormon member missionaries! Then I waited outside the Temple for Hubba. As soon as he came out, he kissed me and I felt extremely content and at peace. We drove over to my mom's house and talked to her. Actually, she did most of the talking, we just listened.
Hubba came with me to the bank and I tried to get my "monetary affairs" settled. Things are looking o.k. We drove to Brenda and Dave's because I wanted him to "meet ALL the family". But only Dave and Stevie were there. So I showed Hubba their house and left a picture for Brenda.
My mom bought us some groceries. And I do mean "us". She bought stuff she knew I didn't like because she thought Hubba might like it. Well anyway--I'm stocked up on groceries.
15 June 2009
The pitter patter of little feet
I heard it two days ago and it reminded me that I've been meaning to post that Winkleberry walks! It was the first week of June when she finally got it. Which puts her in a tie with Kelvinator for being the latest walkers in the family at 14 months.
She's been able to walk for quite a long time now. It's actually been very frustrating to me since I'm the one that ends up lugging her chubby body everywhere most of the time. Then there was a lightbulb moment. One day as she was holding on to my legs and wanting me to lift her up (which just kills me because I can't move at all!), I just said, "Let's walk." And I took her by the hand and started walking with her. I really think it may have been the first time I had ever tried to walk with her. And you could see the sudden understanding in her eyes like "oh!" I can walk. Mom wants me to walk. This is what I'm supposed to do.
And over the next few days, everytime she would want me to hold her, I would just say, "Let's walk" and I'd let her lead me by the hand and we'd walk all around. I'm so loving it. For one thing, her clothes and hands and knees are not filthy all the time. She's so much more independent. It's really just very cute. And she doesn't need me to hold her as much as she used to.
Relief! A toddler!
She's been able to walk for quite a long time now. It's actually been very frustrating to me since I'm the one that ends up lugging her chubby body everywhere most of the time. Then there was a lightbulb moment. One day as she was holding on to my legs and wanting me to lift her up (which just kills me because I can't move at all!), I just said, "Let's walk." And I took her by the hand and started walking with her. I really think it may have been the first time I had ever tried to walk with her. And you could see the sudden understanding in her eyes like "oh!" I can walk. Mom wants me to walk. This is what I'm supposed to do.
And over the next few days, everytime she would want me to hold her, I would just say, "Let's walk" and I'd let her lead me by the hand and we'd walk all around. I'm so loving it. For one thing, her clothes and hands and knees are not filthy all the time. She's so much more independent. It's really just very cute. And she doesn't need me to hold her as much as she used to.
Relief! A toddler!
His Story, chapitre douze
Real asks, I answer.
Question: We're leading up to Valentine's Day and getting ready to go out to the formal together and buying perfume and cologne for each other--what are you thinking or feeling about me?
Dinner was great and fun. We met at Cindy's house and it was really nice. Good food, good times. Then we went miniature golfing. I really enjoyed it--warm winter's night. And I got a good score.
Oh, yeah. This is about you. I remember feeling possessive of you--not in the controlling sense, but in the sense that we were really a couple and I had the freedom of not caring who knew. I guess it was one of the first times I was publicly committed. I really enjoyed being with you and the other couples. It was a fun, relaxing, pleasant evening. I don't even remember the dance or much else. Just contentedness.
Question: What were you thinking getting your portrait taken with me?
Yeah--I didn't like that. You somehow had free pictures and you wanted me along. It was a little too much for me. First, I hate having my picture taken. Two, I hate stores (unless they contain food) and going to a department store was a drag. Three--what the heck??!! We were dating, not married! I was a bit self-conscious and thought it said too much.
So I didn't dig it. I still cringe seeing the pictures because it makes me feel like we were somehow more of a couple than we really were.
Question: We're leading up to Valentine's Day and getting ready to go out to the formal together and buying perfume and cologne for each other--what are you thinking or feeling about me?
Dinner was great and fun. We met at Cindy's house and it was really nice. Good food, good times. Then we went miniature golfing. I really enjoyed it--warm winter's night. And I got a good score.
Oh, yeah. This is about you. I remember feeling possessive of you--not in the controlling sense, but in the sense that we were really a couple and I had the freedom of not caring who knew. I guess it was one of the first times I was publicly committed. I really enjoyed being with you and the other couples. It was a fun, relaxing, pleasant evening. I don't even remember the dance or much else. Just contentedness.
Question: What were you thinking getting your portrait taken with me?
Yeah--I didn't like that. You somehow had free pictures and you wanted me along. It was a little too much for me. First, I hate having my picture taken. Two, I hate stores (unless they contain food) and going to a department store was a drag. Three--what the heck??!! We were dating, not married! I was a bit self-conscious and thought it said too much.
So I didn't dig it. I still cringe seeing the pictures because it makes me feel like we were somehow more of a couple than we really were.
Then I Met You, chapitre vingt-trois
15 February 1992
Thursday February 13 Hubba told me he loved me. He was leaving here to go to a basketball game with his brother. I walked him out to the car and kissed him goodbye. He just said, "I love you." He said he meant it when he said it in French, too. So that's cool because "Je t'aime" can mean anything from I like you to I love you and i didn't know how he meant it.
Thursday night I couldn't sleep because I was so excited about Valentien's Day. And Valentine's Day was so worth all my excitement! I went with Hubba to work and then he came with me to class. After I was done with all my classes he brought me home and I started to get ready for the formal. I was ready on time (even a little early if you can believe that one!). And all the effort (and make up) I had used was SO worth it when I saw that look in Hubba's eyes and he told me I was beautiful. We got out to the car and finally got to exchange Valentine's Day presents. I bought him Tsar and let me tell you he smells incredible in it. I also got him two cards and a little stuffed bear that I think he kind of likes. : ) He gave me as perfume, Liz Claiborne, the kind I already wear. It meant a lot to me that it was that kind because that meant he already associated that smell to me and nothing else was good enough than what I was already wearing. And when he told me that story about when he picked it out, nothing in the world would have meant more to me--not candy, not flowers, not jewelry. You should have seen us exchanging gifts in his car. It felt just like christmas Day when I was a kid.
wrapping paper from my gift
We went to Cindy's where we had a mongo dinner that was delicious. (We tripled with Cindy and Jake and Allison and Greg.) They made steak, baked potatoes, corn, salad and this wonderful bread. And for dessert I think it was cheesecake. But it was rich, creamy, and tasted better than manna, I'm sure. Seriuosly, I couldn't get up and down because I was so full and "filled out" my dress so nicely that I couldn't even bend at the waist for most of the night!
Then they took us to Golf-n-Stuff to play miniature golf. At first I was too cold to enjoy myself. But when Cindy and Jake started talking in these stupid accents and Allison started screaming and every time I did something Hubba would shout "she's mine!", how could I help but have a wonderul time?
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The dance was not worth the $8 we paid for tickets. But I would have payed anything if it meant I had a whole night to dance with Hubba. Sometimes when we dance we just look each other in the eye. His gaze is so intense and it is so obvious to me that he loves me. One time he told me that he loved me while we were dancing and I seriously melted.I danced with Robert to two fast songs. When I came back Hubba said that he didn't fill my dancing needs. Heck, who cares about dancing when he fulfills all my other needs? I would rather feel secure and loved than be able to dance with the best dancer in the world. I like slow dancing with Hubba who is just the right height, right "width", right size. We even take the same stride step. It's perfect.
After the dance we went back to Cindy's to watch "Ghost". It was already very late when we stated it. Needless to say everybody promptly fell asleep. Hubba brought me home and told he HE LOVES ME again! He's so incredible.
Hubba is coming over at 1:00pm and we're going back to the studio to look at our prints. I'm way excited. I know they're going to be really good.
16 February 1992
Hubba is over right now. I love him. Incredibly. I feel so much more sure of his feelings for me. I think if I don't marry him soon I am going to die. He has a summer job as a counselor at a camp in Boston. I will miss him. He wanted me to apply there, too. But I can't live my life like that. I can't just follow him around indefinitely. I would need to have a commitment.
I'm so in love with Hubba. No doubt about it.
The pictures of Hubba and I were so adorable. It was hard to pick just one. I know when I go back to get it, I will order more. The lady there asked if we were newlyweds and when we said no she said we acted like it. It was kind of funny.
Overheard
Kelvinator and Winkleberry are playing on my bed and cuddling together.
Kelvinator: Mom, can you take a picture of this?
Me: I don't know where the camera is. I never know where the camera is anymore. Baboo keeps hijacking it.
Kelvinator: You mean "hogging."
Kelvinator: Mom, can you take a picture of this?
Me: I don't know where the camera is. I never know where the camera is anymore. Baboo keeps hijacking it.
Kelvinator: You mean "hogging."
14 June 2009
His Name
I have always loved my husband's name. Well before I was ever married to a man with that name, I loved it. But it's HIS name, too. And it's not just his name, it's the name of that hot 22 year old guy I dated who asked me to marry him.
And I never say it.
Back when we were first considering marriage, we started joking around calling each other those silly terms of endearment. And after we were first married, I actually called him his given name with a "y" at the end. I can't believe he even tolerated that I called him that.
Also, in those first few months we worked in our church's nursery. And there was a little 3 year old go there who was one of our favorites. I absolutely just adored her. She was never happy there, but eventually I won her over and she liked to spend that time with me. And she had this whiny way of talking. I actually can't remember what it sounded like now. But I remember talking to the Hubba about it a lot and then joking around about it for years later. And somehow it evolved into using the word "honey" in this whiny, sing song, demanding, cute way. We used it all the time, like an inside joke. It always made me happy.
And so....16 years later, it's gotten all ingrained in my brain. Honey. Hon. Hennie. Hen. Hunna. All these variations on that whiny "honey" from early 1993. Until the only time I use my husband's real name anymore is when I'm angry. He has a good name you can be harsh and hiss out if you've half a mind to be a naggy shrew about something or other.
In fact, he's so conditioned that any time I make the effort to use his name in a neutral way, he automatically thinks I'm upset with him and has a negative reaction to whatever I'm about to say. And I really can't blame him because everytime I try to use his name it sounds kind of shrewish to me, too!
How sad is that?
But I miss his name. I have a couple of friends with his same name and I hate that I use their names more often than my own husband's. So I'm trying to think of shrewless ways to use his name and not make him think I'm going to rake him over the coals for something. You have no idea how difficult it is to do something like that.
And I never say it.
Back when we were first considering marriage, we started joking around calling each other those silly terms of endearment. And after we were first married, I actually called him his given name with a "y" at the end. I can't believe he even tolerated that I called him that.
Also, in those first few months we worked in our church's nursery. And there was a little 3 year old go there who was one of our favorites. I absolutely just adored her. She was never happy there, but eventually I won her over and she liked to spend that time with me. And she had this whiny way of talking. I actually can't remember what it sounded like now. But I remember talking to the Hubba about it a lot and then joking around about it for years later. And somehow it evolved into using the word "honey" in this whiny, sing song, demanding, cute way. We used it all the time, like an inside joke. It always made me happy.
And so....16 years later, it's gotten all ingrained in my brain. Honey. Hon. Hennie. Hen. Hunna. All these variations on that whiny "honey" from early 1993. Until the only time I use my husband's real name anymore is when I'm angry. He has a good name you can be harsh and hiss out if you've half a mind to be a naggy shrew about something or other.
In fact, he's so conditioned that any time I make the effort to use his name in a neutral way, he automatically thinks I'm upset with him and has a negative reaction to whatever I'm about to say. And I really can't blame him because everytime I try to use his name it sounds kind of shrewish to me, too!
How sad is that?
But I miss his name. I have a couple of friends with his same name and I hate that I use their names more often than my own husband's. So I'm trying to think of shrewless ways to use his name and not make him think I'm going to rake him over the coals for something. You have no idea how difficult it is to do something like that.
His Story, chapitre onze
After this post, the Hubba and I should be caught up to the same points in our stories.
Real asks, I answer
Question: You're heading back from Salt Lake to Tucson--what are you hoping for?
I had just spent around a week in Salt Lake and had spent quite a bit of time with the girl I liked from up there. I was conflicted because I had just two-timed. I had a lay-over in Las Vegas for a couple hours in the wee hours of the morning. I sat in the airport listening to Achtung Baby, watching an addicted woman get cupfuls of quarters and waste it on gambling and thinking about my "love life." I had left Real in Tucson and things were starting to get real. I had just left the Salt Lake girl in Salt Lake and she had asked me right before I got on the place, "What are we going to tell other people?" And the best candidate, I thought, of giving me a ride from Tucson International Airport to my condo in Tucson was Tucson girl [Bridget]. I still liked her. So I intended to call her when I got to Tucson to get a ride, or, alternatively (since it was really early in the morning) just catch a cab.
I don't recall doing much thinking on the flights because I don't even remember the flights. But I do remember sitting in the airport in Las Vegas, listening to The Fly and Mysterious Ways and Throw Her Arms around the World and You're So Cruel. Great music. Mostly about love. Kind of a propos.
So what was I hoping for? A nice long trip to Germany to sort through things. I still didn't want a relationship--strike against Real and Salt Lake. But Real was one of my best friends at that point. And really hot. Salt Lake was also a friend, but we were far apart. There was also an awkward component to that that I can't mention without risking ruining anonymity. And there was Tucson, who was fun, pretty, interesting and quite forward. We really weren't friends at all--it was all intrigue. She had approached me by inviting me to her car to play me a song about kissing. Forward, flirtatious and yet--there was really no sense that it was going to have any meaning. It had fling written all over it. And while I enjoyed dates with her, I was a bit wary and was not looking for a fling.
No commitment, no fling. Just nice, innocent dates. That's what I wanted.
So flying into Tucson, that's what I was hoping for. No complications. Dating. Simple, right?
No. I really like Real and she was a close friend--with Paul just leaving on his mission, she would be the person I would most likely spend my free time with. So . . . I was confused.
Question: Night of the chili dinner--me, you, my roommate and Jake--what did you really think about the chili?
Now that's leading. Simple answer: I hated chili. For chili, I think it was fine. All I really remember is that it wasn't as bad as I feared. But the date was great. Jake was fun to hang out with. It was nice to double, hang out, get to know each other. But the chili? It wasn't Real.
Question: What had you told your family about me at this point (January, just coupling off, nothing formal)?
I have no idea. I saw my family a lot in Germany and don't think I did a lot of talking about girls. And when I came back, I don't think I was up at the house much after spending a couple weeks with them. So I don't know.
Question: We often had disagreements or misunderstandings--how would you characterize those?
I think we were both immature. Simple answer. I think Real was very moody and I was very irritated by the moodiness. Not a good combination. I think I always wanted to live in a drama-less world, pretending that everything was hunky-dory.
Also, I think I struggled a lot to deal with an intimate relationship. I had never really been serious with anyone--it was always superficial. I think I needed to grow up a bit and learn about being a couple. Without a mission and being around a companion 24/7, I doubt I could have done it. Just having a companion at my side drove me about nuts. I was never emotional about it, I just got easily suffocated. Sometimes I would barely talk to him except as necessary. We got along great for the most part, just not much talking at times. So when Real and I started spending time together--significant amounts of time--I think it was tough: I couldn't just ignore her. I had to deal with her.
As I said, immaturity.
Real asks, I answer
Question: You're heading back from Salt Lake to Tucson--what are you hoping for?
I had just spent around a week in Salt Lake and had spent quite a bit of time with the girl I liked from up there. I was conflicted because I had just two-timed. I had a lay-over in Las Vegas for a couple hours in the wee hours of the morning. I sat in the airport listening to Achtung Baby, watching an addicted woman get cupfuls of quarters and waste it on gambling and thinking about my "love life." I had left Real in Tucson and things were starting to get real. I had just left the Salt Lake girl in Salt Lake and she had asked me right before I got on the place, "What are we going to tell other people?" And the best candidate, I thought, of giving me a ride from Tucson International Airport to my condo in Tucson was Tucson girl [Bridget]. I still liked her. So I intended to call her when I got to Tucson to get a ride, or, alternatively (since it was really early in the morning) just catch a cab.
I don't recall doing much thinking on the flights because I don't even remember the flights. But I do remember sitting in the airport in Las Vegas, listening to The Fly and Mysterious Ways and Throw Her Arms around the World and You're So Cruel. Great music. Mostly about love. Kind of a propos.
So what was I hoping for? A nice long trip to Germany to sort through things. I still didn't want a relationship--strike against Real and Salt Lake. But Real was one of my best friends at that point. And really hot. Salt Lake was also a friend, but we were far apart. There was also an awkward component to that that I can't mention without risking ruining anonymity. And there was Tucson, who was fun, pretty, interesting and quite forward. We really weren't friends at all--it was all intrigue. She had approached me by inviting me to her car to play me a song about kissing. Forward, flirtatious and yet--there was really no sense that it was going to have any meaning. It had fling written all over it. And while I enjoyed dates with her, I was a bit wary and was not looking for a fling.
No commitment, no fling. Just nice, innocent dates. That's what I wanted.
So flying into Tucson, that's what I was hoping for. No complications. Dating. Simple, right?
No. I really like Real and she was a close friend--with Paul just leaving on his mission, she would be the person I would most likely spend my free time with. So . . . I was confused.
Question: Night of the chili dinner--me, you, my roommate and Jake--what did you really think about the chili?
Now that's leading. Simple answer: I hated chili. For chili, I think it was fine. All I really remember is that it wasn't as bad as I feared. But the date was great. Jake was fun to hang out with. It was nice to double, hang out, get to know each other. But the chili? It wasn't Real.
Question: What had you told your family about me at this point (January, just coupling off, nothing formal)?
I have no idea. I saw my family a lot in Germany and don't think I did a lot of talking about girls. And when I came back, I don't think I was up at the house much after spending a couple weeks with them. So I don't know.
Question: We often had disagreements or misunderstandings--how would you characterize those?
I think we were both immature. Simple answer. I think Real was very moody and I was very irritated by the moodiness. Not a good combination. I think I always wanted to live in a drama-less world, pretending that everything was hunky-dory.
Also, I think I struggled a lot to deal with an intimate relationship. I had never really been serious with anyone--it was always superficial. I think I needed to grow up a bit and learn about being a couple. Without a mission and being around a companion 24/7, I doubt I could have done it. Just having a companion at my side drove me about nuts. I was never emotional about it, I just got easily suffocated. Sometimes I would barely talk to him except as necessary. We got along great for the most part, just not much talking at times. So when Real and I started spending time together--significant amounts of time--I think it was tough: I couldn't just ignore her. I had to deal with her.
As I said, immaturity.
His Story, chapitre dix
When I got back to Tucson, it was like that first semester was gone. It was like a new world. Real and I immediately picked up where we left off. The other girl in Tucson [Bridget] that I had liked kind of fell out of the picture. The girl in Salt Lake was, well, in Salt Lake. I still didn’t have an answer there. I guess time sort of sorted that one out. As you can see, I wasn’t dealing terribly maturely with the whole situation.
With the new semester came Real’s new apartment and roommate. We started spending a lot of time together. Paul had left for his mission (Quebec) while I was in Germany. This was the time period where I realized I really liked Real and had deepening romantic interest.
A pivotal moment came early that semester. There was a dance at the Institute. I did not want strings attached and said I thought we should go there free to dance with whomever. Big, stupid mistake. First, in the car on the way over, Real made it clear she was offended by the request. We argued about it. I told her it’s not like I was trying to pick up girls, I was just not ready to close the door. By the time we arrived, she was mad. I was frustrated. And, honestly, I was an idiot. So I walked into the dance in a foul mood, while she went and had the time of her life. Every time I looked to the far side of the gym—where she was based—she was dancing. I doubt she missed a dance all evening. This was not what I had planned—rather than dance with each other and other people, she was rubbing my face in it and thoroughly annoying me. And the jealousy beast was ravishing me. And she wasn’t just dancing, she was laughing and having a great time the whole evening.
I don’t think I danced with anyone. Maybe a couple songs. Mostly I just sat and pouted. I don’t even recall talking to anyone. Just sat there. The mood only got worse. Finally the last song came and I thought I’d get over my pride and admit defeat and ask her to dance for the last song. A really nice girl asked me to dance on my way over there. I’m afraid I was rude. “Sorry, I need to go do something” is all I said. I went over to Real’s side of the gym and asked her to dance. She said yes. She didn’t say anything, leaving me feeling like she had won and I had lost. At some point I told her that I realized I needed her.
What’s interesting is that while she was having a blast, I realized that she could have fun without me. And I realized I wasn’t having fun without her. Funny thing, to feel dispensable. I was down right miserable. And none of the other girls seemed at all interesting to me. As I drove her back to her apartment that evening, I apologized. I realized I wanted to be exclusive and at some point it became official.
I don’t think I did much time exploring my feelings at that time. I think generally speaking I’ve been one who likes to chase more than being chased. So to the degree I thought Real wanted me, I was a little nonplussed and unsure. To the degree that she was not actively interested, I definitely instigated quite a bit. The dance really woke me up to the fact that the cat and mouse game was no longer interesting—it’s when I realized I had really been smitten.
And, once the psychological constraints on our relationship were out of the way, I learned to love Real deeply: the intelligence, active mind and body, the determination, the drive, the stubborn, tenacious mind, the intensity, the desire to be good, the hunger to live right, the friendship, the deep-thinking, the conversations, the emotional fulfillment, the tender, gentle kindness and nurturing, the earnestness, the openness and frankness. I loved it all. And being physically attracted didn’t hurt either. I thought she was and is an absolute babe. With all that going for us, what was a little emotional immaturity going to do to prevent us from getting hitched?
{cross-reference: Then I Met You, chapitre vingt, 18 January}
With the new semester came Real’s new apartment and roommate. We started spending a lot of time together. Paul had left for his mission (Quebec) while I was in Germany. This was the time period where I realized I really liked Real and had deepening romantic interest.
A pivotal moment came early that semester. There was a dance at the Institute. I did not want strings attached and said I thought we should go there free to dance with whomever. Big, stupid mistake. First, in the car on the way over, Real made it clear she was offended by the request. We argued about it. I told her it’s not like I was trying to pick up girls, I was just not ready to close the door. By the time we arrived, she was mad. I was frustrated. And, honestly, I was an idiot. So I walked into the dance in a foul mood, while she went and had the time of her life. Every time I looked to the far side of the gym—where she was based—she was dancing. I doubt she missed a dance all evening. This was not what I had planned—rather than dance with each other and other people, she was rubbing my face in it and thoroughly annoying me. And the jealousy beast was ravishing me. And she wasn’t just dancing, she was laughing and having a great time the whole evening.
I don’t think I danced with anyone. Maybe a couple songs. Mostly I just sat and pouted. I don’t even recall talking to anyone. Just sat there. The mood only got worse. Finally the last song came and I thought I’d get over my pride and admit defeat and ask her to dance for the last song. A really nice girl asked me to dance on my way over there. I’m afraid I was rude. “Sorry, I need to go do something” is all I said. I went over to Real’s side of the gym and asked her to dance. She said yes. She didn’t say anything, leaving me feeling like she had won and I had lost. At some point I told her that I realized I needed her.
What’s interesting is that while she was having a blast, I realized that she could have fun without me. And I realized I wasn’t having fun without her. Funny thing, to feel dispensable. I was down right miserable. And none of the other girls seemed at all interesting to me. As I drove her back to her apartment that evening, I apologized. I realized I wanted to be exclusive and at some point it became official.
I don’t think I did much time exploring my feelings at that time. I think generally speaking I’ve been one who likes to chase more than being chased. So to the degree I thought Real wanted me, I was a little nonplussed and unsure. To the degree that she was not actively interested, I definitely instigated quite a bit. The dance really woke me up to the fact that the cat and mouse game was no longer interesting—it’s when I realized I had really been smitten.
And, once the psychological constraints on our relationship were out of the way, I learned to love Real deeply: the intelligence, active mind and body, the determination, the drive, the stubborn, tenacious mind, the intensity, the desire to be good, the hunger to live right, the friendship, the deep-thinking, the conversations, the emotional fulfillment, the tender, gentle kindness and nurturing, the earnestness, the openness and frankness. I loved it all. And being physically attracted didn’t hurt either. I thought she was and is an absolute babe. With all that going for us, what was a little emotional immaturity going to do to prevent us from getting hitched?
{cross-reference: Then I Met You, chapitre vingt, 18 January}
To Be Fair
I think I've created a few misrepresentations in this here story. And I guess that's what happen when one person is writing his version of history from a far distant future and is including an analysis of the events that transpired and one person is selectively going through her journal and picking out only those paragraphs with the name "Hubba" in them.
After reading Heidi's last comment about how mad she was at the Hubba, he responded with something like, "If they only knew the WHOLE story, they'd be mad at you, too!" And since I'm all about keeping it real, here are some confessions from my journal circa December 1991.
1. I had been asked out and went on dates with a couple of other guys. One of them I did not like at all. One of them I had an absolutely fabulous time with.
2. Before I met the Hubba, I had been seeing a guy kind of off and on, steadily, for a long time. That relationship was in its final death throes, but I hadn't quite completely extricated myself from the situation. He still wanted to be with me and I wasn't exactly giving him no signals 24/7. Sometimes I was enjoying the attention and the familiarity.
3. And last but not least, I do not remember this incident at all and was utterly startled to
read it in my journal. I emailed him about it and he doesn't remember either. Nevertheless, it is in my own handwriting so I will assume that it happened. I kissed Paul. It says in the journal that it was an unexpected accident. And lemme just say that we never had that kind of relationship. We were always just friends. So I don't know what's up with that.
I guess all I really want to say is that I may have been talking the talk about the whole exclusivity thing in the relationship, but even I didn't have my head 100% in that game.
After reading Heidi's last comment about how mad she was at the Hubba, he responded with something like, "If they only knew the WHOLE story, they'd be mad at you, too!" And since I'm all about keeping it real, here are some confessions from my journal circa December 1991.
1. I had been asked out and went on dates with a couple of other guys. One of them I did not like at all. One of them I had an absolutely fabulous time with.
2. Before I met the Hubba, I had been seeing a guy kind of off and on, steadily, for a long time. That relationship was in its final death throes, but I hadn't quite completely extricated myself from the situation. He still wanted to be with me and I wasn't exactly giving him no signals 24/7. Sometimes I was enjoying the attention and the familiarity.
3. And last but not least, I do not remember this incident at all and was utterly startled to
read it in my journal. I emailed him about it and he doesn't remember either. Nevertheless, it is in my own handwriting so I will assume that it happened. I kissed Paul. It says in the journal that it was an unexpected accident. And lemme just say that we never had that kind of relationship. We were always just friends. So I don't know what's up with that.
I guess all I really want to say is that I may have been talking the talk about the whole exclusivity thing in the relationship, but even I didn't have my head 100% in that game.
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